By Sam Palmer
(Before I begin this story, I am going to add a little disclaimer and let y’all know that I’m not a doctor and the following anecdote should not replace medical advice.)
On the “crunchy” scale, I sit comfortably at about a 7.2.
I like organic food, but I also like bright pink cotton candy ice cream. I hang my laundry to dry, but I’ll also drive my kids to school half a kilometer away.
You get the drift.
When it comes to natural medicine, I always try a natural treatment before using conventional medicine, but I’m not opposed to using some good ol’ Tylenol when necessary, or when I’ve had too much wine the night before.
Now, the majority of us lovely ladies have had some experience with a yeast infection. If you haven’t, you’re the luckiest woman on the planet and I hate you a little bit.
When I felt some telltale itching one day, I decided to pull out the ol’ Book of Natural Medicine. It advised to create a “garlic tampon.”
Well, now that sounded intriguing.
I consulted with Dr. Google and confirmed that this was an appropriate thing to do. It was on the internet so I knew it must be okay!
I made myself a lovely garlic tampon and carefully inserted it into my unsuspecting vagina. There didn’t seem to be any immediate reaction.
Five minutes later, however, I could TASTE garlic. I consulted Dr. Google once more (and then deleted my search history) and discovered that this was, indeed, a common side effect of having garlic in your vagina.
This got me thinking: If I could taste the garlic in my vagina…why doesn’t my mouth always tastes like my vagina? Or maybe it does taste like my vagina but I always just thought that’s how my mouth tasted? Does my vagina taste like garlic when I put garlic in my mouth? So many questions…
I pondered this for quite some time. I snapped out of it when my toddler brought me a handful of her own feces.
In the end, the garlic-y insert was successful. I believe I just insulted my vagina enough for her to make some changes in her PH, but nonetheless, it worked.
With some individual research and a trip to a non-Google doctor, I would recommend any woman that experiences yeast give this a try. Actually, I would recommend that any woman that doesn’t experience yeast give this a try, too.
This won’t work for you if you’re uncomfortable with putting food items into your vagina, or you’re having sex with a vampire.
Otherwise, go ahead and try out nature’s yeast cure. Make yourself some organic pasta (go big or go home, friend), and enjoy some subtle hints of garlic without having to add any to the sauce.
About the Author
Sam Palmer has a passion for organic wine, profanities, and being a Mom. She has 4 beautiful daughters, a dog, and that guy she lives with. They live on the West Coast of British Columbia amongst other Birkenstock wearing, home brew guzzling folk. Read more at Modern Day Hippie Mama and follow Sam on Facebook and Instagram.