We all know about the different cancer awareness months. We know about Grandparent’s day, Mother’s day, Father’s day, Groundhog Day, and the “traditional” holidays — the days marked on the calendars you can buy in stores. Now suddenly every day is a national something day.
Since social media became such a big thing, everyone is making up days just for shits and giggles. Here’s a list of national days I usually have no idea about until it’s too late:
- National Cat Day
- National Dog Day
- National German Shepard Day
- National Pitbull Day
- National Sister’s Day
- National Donut Day
- National Chocolate Day
- National Siblings Day
- National Brother’s Day
- National Best Friends Day
There are so many more I don’t even know about. How are we supposed to keep track of what fucking day it is? Isn’t it hard enough to remember Monday through Sunday? Why do we have to add in all these extra days? The joy of social media is being able to create a photo proclaiming it any day we want, and if it gets enough shares, boom, it’s National Snot Day.
People used to complain about Sweetest Day being another Hallmark Holiday forcing men and women to buy cards and candies. Now with all of these proclaimed National what-the-fuck-ever days, people are buying more bullshit. Stores are stocking up on gifts for your pets, your siblings, your best friends, and even the woodland creatures.
There are already so many new products hitting the shelves for this year’s round of Black Friday and Christmas holidays, why not add something special for National Foot Day? You know your piggies need their very own earrings! Even though it’s going to be colder than a witch’s tit in a brass bra, why not grow your toenails long enough to pierce?
Let us not forget, ’tis the season for sparkly things. Better get yourself a Vajazzle gun! Or wait… wouldn’t bedazzling your vagina get in the way of you growing out your pubes to dye and braid? What about the growing and dyeing of armpit hair? Are we going to start adding in hair ties with dangly pendants like necklaces?
There are so many new trends and new National Days, I mostly shake my head. The next best day or the next best idea is going to break the camel’s back. We’ve already foregone appreciating our soldiers who fight for us to have the freedom to proclaim it National Hot Dog Day; why not give up showing appreciation for Independence Day?
This shit has gone too far. People need to slow down and appreciate the REAL celebration days. You know, the ones marked in calendars. Today is Wednesday, but I’m sure it’s also some other bullshit day like National Eat a Dick Day. Hey, I’d be on board with telling people to do that all day long.
Will someone please tell me what fucking day it is? Or better yet, DON’T.