We all know getting professional family photos is a real pain in the rear. From selecting coordinating (and not clashing) outfits to bribing everyone to sit still for one damn second and smile to choosing a photographer, it’s enough hassle to make a person abandon the whole thing (trust me, I know; we haven’t had a family photo done since our middle child was in diapers, and he’s now 7).
As much trouble as the whole thing is for most people, NOTHING compares to the trouble Pam Zaring and her family encountered just trying to get a nice portrait to memorialize this time in their lives.
Pam Zaring, whose Facebook account is under Pam Dave Zaring, shared the results of her family’s professional photog sesh Friday afternoon with the following caption:
Ok. This is NOT a joke. We paid a photographer, who claimed to be a professional, $250 for a family photo shoot. Please see these FOR REAL photos she delivered to us….She said the shadows were really bad on the beautiful, clear, sunny day and that her professor never taught her to retouch photos. Feel free to share 😂😂😂 I literally have not laughed this hard in YEARS!!!!! You can’t make this stuff up…..again, this is NOT a joke – final product 🤣
In case you need a zoomeroo, here’s how these professional photos turned out:
According to Pam’s comments in the thread of her post, this really is NOT A JOKE. In fact, Pam has been going back and forth with this photographer for 8 months, waiting to get her prints. EIGHT MONTHS, AND THIS IS WHAT SHE GOT. And when Pam asked the photographer if she also thought the family looked like cartoon characters, the photographer agreed and offered to do another photo shoot. Pam passed. Obviously.
Pam was wrong about one thing, though. This IS a joke, just not one she ever wished she’d have to endure.
We reached out to Pam for comment, but she has yet to respond. Understandably, she’s probably a bit overwhelmed at the moment with her almost instantaneous viral fame. In the meantime, it makes us wonder what kind of future advertising slogans this “professional photographer” has in mind. Perhaps something along these lines?
Think if Ed Gein did photoshoots.
For when you want to look like your face is melting off but you’re super happy about it.
If Picasso was into claymation.
When the serial killer on Craigslist took a photography class over the weekend.
Do you hate your mother-in-law? Do you want to insult her, but without taking the blame? Look no further.
‘Make my face as smooth as a seal’s ballsack. Same color, too.’
When you want to know what Katy Perry meant about feeling like a plastic bag.
Gumby: the later years.
Grandma doesn’t live in this body anymore.
The new ‘witness protection program’ filter on Instagram.
Be the strange you wish to see in the world.
Actual footage of what happens when all the side effects on your prescription drugs occur simultaneously.
Do you ever just feel flat? A mere sketch of your old self?
What happens when you put the lotion in the basket.
DIY Play-Doh rhinoplasty.
‘Make it look professional but also like we’re on the hunt for some souls to consume.’
When you accidentally wandered into the ‘Take on me’ universe again.
Lifetouch Photography’s lesser known competitor, ‘Afterlife Touch.’
When you accidentally booked a taxidermist instead of a photographer.
When you forgot to take your family out of the freezer to thaw them out before your photo shoot.
‘More Flat Stanley, less actual pictures we want to frame.’
So when the alien invasion comes you can be like, ‘See? We’re one of you.’
When you want to make shape-shifting on trend.
When your photography professor is like, ‘You literally can’t screw this up,’ and you’re like, ‘Hold my beer.’
Grandma: blouse by Talbots. Teeth by Chiclets.
Oh, Lord. OK. We’ll stop. But seriously. WE’RE SO SORRY, PAM. Thoughts and prayers.
Special thanks to the following SPM news writers for their hilarious contributions: Crystal Lowery of Crystal Lowery – Comedian, Serena Dorman of Mommy Cusses, Amber Leventry of Family Rhetoric, and Serendipity Indigo of Mother of Serendipity.