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By Carrie Tinsley of Carrie On, Y’all
Okay, moms, you know it’s out there. Mom-petition. It’s a noun. It’s that guilt, that urge you feel when someone is mothering their little progeny better/craftier/more patiently/cuter/WTH…did they just step out of a magazine…than you are. Mom-pete is a (sort of) verb. It’s the time when you choose to craft/cook/volunteer/say yes…against all better judgment because…you don’t want to look bad…to the other moms.
I say…screw mom-petition. Let’s settle this once and for all. I’m holding the Mom-Olympics in which qualified mothers will duke it out for the coveted title of “Greatest Mother in the Whole Wide World for All Time There Will Never Be Another Ever Ever EVER and We Will All Think She’s Amazing and Vote Her Kid Class President Not Because He’s Qualified But Because His Mom Is So Amazing.” Will that fit on a trophy?
I’m holding the Mom-Olympics. 10 events. 1 winner. Step up, girls, if you think you can.
1. The Organic Food Competition: Any contestant whose baby points at McDonald’s when you drive by or has ordered anything from a speaker and a cashier in a window in the past two weeks is ineligible to compete. Further disqualifications occur when your children identify mac n cheese, chicken nuggets, or hot dogs that weren’t raised in an organic farm.
2. The Straight-from-Pinterest Birthday Party. If you’ve ever spent over $100 on decorations for a birthday party you saw on Pinterest that your child has no snowball’s chance in hell of ever remembering beyond the professional photographer and videographer you hired and the memory chest of birthday cards and presents you lovingly compiled after the fact and plan to give her for her 18th birthday…this event is for you. Pinterest away, girls, but only one mom can reign supreme.
3. The Humble-Brag Mom-Petition… Read the rest of Carrie’s post on her blog, Carrie On, Y’all.
Carrie Tinsley is a former high school English teacher, turned stay-at-home mom to three children. Her blog Carrie On, Y’all chronicles the misadventures of raising children through a lens of sarcasm, poor housekeeping skills, and mediocre attempts to stay sane. She lives in Arkansas (yes, people live there!) with her husband, three children, golden retriever, and fluffy cat. You can follow her on Facebook or Twitter (she doesn’t know how to work any other social media).