I’m awkward. And I mean that in every sense of the word — physically, socially, emotionally. I’ve even been known to weird myself out on occasion.
Some people who meet me claim this isn’t true (a very small percentage of people, but still). What they don’t realize, though, is that whatever I did to make them think I’m not awkward took a whole hell of a lot of concentration and work.
And also that I was exhausted for the next two weeks from being socially appropriate for that long.
The good news is I know I’m not alone. There are plenty of fellow awkward people out there (*gives everyone a virtual high five and misses*), which is why I’ve compiled this list of things only my other awkward peeps will understand.
1. Doesn’t matter what you’re eating or drinking or how careful you are while doing it. It will wind up down your front, in your hair, or stuck between your teeth.
2. You are almost always rocking some sort of serious wardrobe malfunction.
3. Dancing is definitely not your strong suit.
4. And social graces have certainly never been your forte.
5. You’re never quite sure what to do when you greet or say goodbye to people.
6. You don’t own a single decent school (or other professionally taken) photo of yourself.
7. You have at least ONE bizarre quirk. (More than likely, several.)
8. Which means more than one person has left a conversation with you feeling like this.
9. A good majority of your social interactions take place from behind whatever inanimate object you can find in the room.
10. You are painfully bad at consoling others or reciprocating emotions.
11. Because you never know the right thing to say. EVER.
12. Even when you think you’re keeping it cool, you’re definitely not keeping it cool. AT ALL.
13. You almost always get yourself into uncomfortable situations and have no idea how to get out of them.
14. You trying to be sexy is less the stuff of erotica and more the stuff of nightmares.
15. Mostly because your face looks like this. OFTEN.
Rock on, my awkward homies. Nobody makes “socially inept” look half as good as we do.