It's not something you can buy at the store. It's two seconds to ourselves.
Humor Parenting

The Christmas Gift EVERY Parent Wants


It’s the time of year where people start playing Christmas music too early and asking the same questions they asked the year before.

These questions can be simple, like, “Is there anything you need for Christmas?” or they veer into the sweet probing of, “What would you like for Christmas?” As husbands everywhere start to drip sweat while looking desperately into their children’s eyes, they will exclaim, “I don’t know what to buy for your mother; she is so hard to shop for! What do we get your mother for Christmas?”

Most mothers aren’t hard to shop for. We generally want the same thing. It’s a non-gender-specific gift and can be given to all moms and dads.

The top selling, hot item on every parent’s Wish List this year is a fucking break. Yes, forgo the expensive perfume and the ugly purse she will stash in the back of her closet. Don’t buy Dad another tie or ugly sweater. Mommy and Daddy are in need of a break for Christmas. There is no better time for their earned time-off than after the holidays. They probably pulled an all-nighter putting together toys on Christmas Eve and then gave Santa all the credit. The bags under their eyes are not wrapped with bows or filled with tissue paper.

As a parent, do you know what the first item on my Christmas Wish List is? A nap followed by — you guessed it — a break.

These unique gifts are repeated as items #2, #3 and #4 on my list. A chance to sit down and to not make meals no one wants to eat. Preferably, I would like my nap along with my break to last a little longer than 20 minutes. I’m going to be all greedy for Christmas and ask for a 48 hour quiet zone in a plush hotel bed. I know I’m on the Nice List — a devoted mommy combined with a naughty wife. Santa checked it twice. No lumps of coal or diamonds for me this year.

When people and relatives ask what I want for Christmas, I tell them exactly this. They laugh and laugh and laugh. Breaks aren’t funny, and I’m not joking. I know they are viable gifts. I see other people getting them all year long, and it’s my turn to “Netflix and Chill.” And I don’t mean that kind of “chill.” No one better touch me while I’m watching my shows. I want the kind of “chill” where I’m outfitted in my warmest sweat pants with matching fuzzy socks and I’m hidden beneath my favorite comforter. I’m picking the shows that I want to watch. It’s my Christmas gift break.

I specifically asked for this, and it’s the one thing in the entire world I want the most. I haven’t taken a real break since the last Winter Olympics were in Sochi, Russia. I asked for a break that Christmas, too. It was wonderful. Every year, I ask for the same gift now.

Who wouldn’t want a little down time to relax and make adult conversation without being interrupted? Then you can drink some wine and make loud animal noises in a hotel room. Best Christmas gift in the history of Christmas gifts.

Ladies and parents alike aren’t hard to buy for, as they all want the same thing. The chance to enjoy a little alone time and to bathe and poop solo. The opportunity to reconnect with their spouses.

The best present doesn’t need to be wrapped. It’s not sold in department stores. It’s the gift of time, and it’s called a break.


About the Author

Rachel E. Bledsoe is an Appalachian Mama and Misfit. She writes about her adventures, heartaches, and details her life’s journey on the blog, The Misfits of a Mountain Mama. She also enjoys long walks on the beach, puppies, and Marie Antoinette biographies. Be sure to follow her by visiting The Misfits of a Mountain Mama’s Facebook page or by joining her on Twitter.