Life Sex and Relationships

Stop With The Husband Bashing Already

I remember my brother telling my husband and me about a guy he works with teasing him before he married my sister-in-law.  The guy asked him if he knew about the three rings: “First comes the engagement ring.  Then comes the wedding ring.  And then comes the suffering!”

Hardy har har.

This irked my brother so much.  So much.  What a dumb thing to say.  What a miserable thing to say.  What a thing for someone who is dumb and miserable themselves to say to a person about to get married.

I feel the same way about husband bashing.

There is a growing trend (Growing? No, probably not. It’s pretty much been around forever.) on social media where women post humor cards and other imagery with slogans bashing their husbands.

husband ecard

These slogans read:

Not sure who is harder to raise: husbands or kids.

Sometimes your knight in shining armor is just a douche bag in tinfoil.

Husbands should be seen and not heard.

Thanks for helping me blackmail my husband.

In keeping with the times, I’m thinking of buying my husband two rings, one for each thumb. That way when he’s texting other women, he can at least think of his wife.

And these are only a few of the many floating about the interwebs.

Don’t get me wrong.  I’m first in line to poke fun at my husband, my kids, and myself.  In fact, I tease my husband about not being able to handle sickness as well as me and have chuckled at my fair share of husband snark.  But I never dish out more than he gives me.  I don’t feel that my teasing can be construed as “bashing.”  I don’t do it all.the.time, and certainly not in such a derogatory manner as some of the stuff I’ve seen out there.

I don’t find most of these things funny.  In fact, when I see them, it makes me feel sad for the wife, the husband, or both.

You know what it makes me wonder?  What do these jokes — and I’m not talking about lighthearted ones, but rather ones equating men to snakes or dogs —  teach our sons and daughters about husbands and fathers?

If I constantly berated my husband’s intelligence and worth like that, I’d worry my boys would grow up thinking men are supposed to be stupid and lazy, or worse, I’d worry they’d think that’s all they’re worth because they’re male.

If I had girls, I’d worry they’d have zero respect for their fathers and brothers and uncles, or worse, I’d worry they’d grow up looking for men who take zero responsibility for themselves and their part in the family and think that’s OK because that’s what everyone says their husbands are like.

I, for one, do not think my husband is lazy or stupid or childish or worthless.  We have a partnership.  We each have our responsibilities — paying bills and doing laundry and mowing the grass and cleaning the dishes — some of which we’ve taken full ownership and some of which we share.  We both raise our children and put them to bed and change their diapers and give them baths and read them stories and dole out punishments and offer praises.  We are equals in our marriage.  Neither of us would stand for the other bailing out.  Neither of us believes the other is less than ourselves.

I’m tired of the husband bashing already, ladies (and a few gentlemen, too).  I’m tired of it.  You can love your husband or not.  Either one is fine.  You can tease your husband once in a while.  That’s fine, too.

What’s not fine is talking about him all the time like he is trash.  What’s not fine is treating men like shit on the bottom of a shoe.  What’s not fine is giving children and teenagers the impression that exactly nothing is what men are good for.

If you’re that unhappy in your marriage, grow up and do something about it.  Or if your husband really is that low, get out of the relationship and move on. You deserve someone who will treat you with respect and own up to his responsibilities.

Otherwise, take it easy on the men.  They’re not all that bad, and they don’t deserve to be treated like they are, either.