Are you feeling a little stabby these days? Like, if one more person smacks their lips at dinner you may turn around and stab them with a fork?
Are you ready to throat-punch the next person who leaves their dirty sock in the middle of the stairs?
Maybe you’re dreaming of committing a crime just so you can be hauled off to a cozy little cell where someone else does the cooking and you can have 5 fucking minutes to YOURSELF.
If you rage whispered, “OMG, yes!!” take heart. There’s a way to release your pent-up stress and frustration and it doesn’t involve you becoming the next headliner in a true-crime podcast.
Rage rooms exist and they are here to provide you with a safe place to let all.that.shit. go. AND burn some calories while you’re at it.
SIGN ME UP.
The rooms have been popping up across the country for a while now and have seen an upsurge in customers over the past couple of months. Color me surprised, NOT. According to USA Today, there are 100s of them in major cities from coast to coast.
They generally consist of a warehouse-style, sound-proof room stocked with random household items, such as glassware, televisions, alarm clocks, electronics, mannequins, old furniture, and drumsets that you can pound into next week. There is also the option to bring in your own (or your ex’s) items to smash to smithereens.
Participants strap on a pair of safety goggles and a helmet, grab a weapon of destruction – sledgehammer, pipe, baseball bat, tennis racquet, golf club, crowbar, or hockey stick – and let their inner Hulks fly, all while jamming out to their favorite tunes or just screaming into the void.
And I have to say, it sounds pretty fucking fantastic, amirite?
Solo and group packages are available, ranging in price from $20 to $200 and more. A small price to pay for releasing all that angst rather than suppressing it and becoming a raging lunatic who completely loses it at the PTA meeting one day.
You can even have a custom room experience where the company will tailor the room to fit your needs, adding personal framed photos to the walls and providing items that remind you of all the things you love to hate.
Which got me thinking, what would a rage room full of moms look like? What would they be doing? Here’s a list:
- Screaming at a sink full of dirty dishes to “fuck off until morning!”
- Shredding a pile of dirty laundry because it never freaking ends.
- Shattering the blue cup because “he TOLD ME he wanted the blue cup.”
- Momsplaining to a “dummy” husband how to change a toilet paper roll and fill the dishwasher properly.
- Bashing an X-Box loaded with Minecraft, Fortnite, and Roblox.
- Burning a pile of Common Core math textbooks.
- Smashing a computer screen with a Zoom meeting in progress.
- Yelling at a mini-mannequin to “get in the fucking car!”
- Sledge-hammering a toilet because aiming into a 1 1/2 foot wide hole is DIFFICULT apparently.
- Slamming a door on repeat because no one knows how to close a fucking door.
- Swinging a bat at a drawer full of pots yelling, “I don’t give a shit. Go ahead and STARVE!”
- Pulverizing a set of headphones because no one even hears you talking.
- Demolishing a clock while shrieking, “I just need a damn minute!”
Who doesn’t want to run out to your nearest rage room right now? I mean, I know I do.
Look, releasing stress feels GOOD, and sure, you could try meditation, deep breathing, or yoga to calm the beast within. You could go for a walk or a run, hike up a mountain, or lift weights.
Or, you could work up a sweat burning about a billion calories while enjoying the sweet sweet satisfaction of smashing all.the.things.
Uncage your rage, sisters, and fucking namaste.