Postpartum Target Shopper Says What We’re All Thinking About Insensitive MLM Pushers

Screenshot Facebook: Kelly Diane Howland

Postpartum mom, Kelly Diane Howland, uploaded a Facebook photograph that has the world re-sharing in a frenzy.

The new mom was minding her own business at Target, with a newborn baby in tow, when a stranger approached her with what seemed like innocent questions.

I am shopping at Target with my obviously fresh baby. I’m a brand new postpartum mom. A woman approaches me and chats me up the usual small talk about “how old is she?” and “how much does she weigh?” And then she ask The Question. “Have you heard of It Works before?” I tell her I know what it is but I’ve never utilized it. She proceeds with artificial shock and gives me her card and spiel.

Listen, I’m not upset this company exists….but let’s not pretend that approaching me specifically was a coincidence. Because it’s not like she ran up to every female at Target to hand out her card. But she did come up to me–with my baby billboard of being brand new postpartum. We all know that this culture hammers into postpartum women a lot of physical insecurity about their bodies after delivering miracles from their wombs…

We know. We all know. And that’s why she approached me.

Can we PLEASE not perpetuate the pressure, the impossible expectations, and therefore keep alive the insecurities that we newly postpartum women face regarding our new and changing bodies as we enter motherhood?

A-to-the-men, sister. Since when did it become ok to approach a new mom and offer unsolicited advice about getting back in shape? If I were Kelly, I’d have turned the tables on that woman and asked if she had ever considered purchasing a time share in the Phukoff province of Thailand (it’s south of Bangkok, I believe.)

Growing a human life is difficult enough, and now we have to worry about the MLM piranhas ambushing us in our Holy Place? (Yes, Target is a holy place–there’s coffee, pretty throw pillows, and I once saw the Virgin Mary in the stale popcorn Plexiglas. It counts.)

Seriously, though, is social ineptitude a prerequisite to selling multi-level marketing shit or something?

MLM people: It is never cool to make a new mom insecure about her body. Also, WE DON’T WANT TO BUY INTO YOUR DAMN PYRAMID SCHEME, KAPISH?

There are two kinds of people in this world 1. People who hate multi-level marketing and 2. People who sell multi-level marketing.

(Scholars are still debating a possible third category: self-hating multi-level marketing people. I’m guessing they drink It Works kale smoothies out of flimsy Tupperware containers while wearing threadbare Lularoe leggings.)

Kelly, if you’re reading this:

You are beautiful.

Congratulations on the baby.

And thank you for saying what we all needed to hear.