According to an article in the New York Times on Saturday, homicidal hornets the size of a matchbox have been discovered in Washington State. And can 2020 just stop it already?
Between a global pandemic, aliens, and now giant murder hornets, it’s starting to feel like we’re all contestants on the fucking Hunger Games. And may the odds be ever in your favor.
The Asian giant hornet is native to Japan, where it kills up to 50 people per year. That’s right, friends. It has been known to kill humans. Unlike their relatives, they are capable of stinging multiple times. Their venom is potent enough to dissolve human flesh and multiple stings can trigger an allergic reaction, anaphylactic shock, and even death.
The “vespa mandarinia” is the world’s largest hornet and can grow up to 2-inches. It is characterized by a large yellow and orange head, giant beady eyes, spiked legs, a tiger-striped body, and papery wings that span 3-inches.
Welcome to your nightmare.
Oh, and apparently, they are unaware that our borders are CLOSED. So yeah, there’s that too.
The killer hornets’ presence in the United States was confirmed by the Washington State Agriculture Department in December. The department verified four reports of the hornets near Blaine and Bellingham. They have also been discovered in British Columbia, Canada. Chris Looney, an entomologist at WSDA, believes that they may have hitched a ride on a ship transporting produce from Asia to North America.
The hornets are deadly to honeybees. According to the New York Times:
“Asian giant hornets can use mandibles shaped like spiked shark fins to wipe out a honeybee hive in a matter of hours, decapitating the bees and flying away with the thoraxes to feed their young.”
They are capable of killing 30,000 bees in just a few hours. If they are not eradicated, they could decimate our entire bee population. Wreaking untold havoc on crops and consequently, our food supply.
I know, 2020 keeps getting better and better. And by better, I mean worse.
Thankfully, we have the Twitterverse to be a shining beacon of light in the dark pit of hell that we are currently living in. And Twitter? Doesn’t disappoint. People have a lot to say about our latest plague, the murdering hornet. Because we’ve now officially reached plagues, with an s, status, apparently.
Hypno-frogs. Fecal blizzards. Toilet tsunamis. A CATS sequel. A microscopic bug wreaking havoc on all of mankind…
And just when you thought things couldn’t get any worse. The Universe said “Hold my beer.”
Murder hornets. Sure thing, 2020. Give us everything. Hypno-frogs. Fecal blizzards. Toilet tsunamis. A CATS sequel. We can take it. https://t.co/DSDpgKhKzQ
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) May 2, 2020
April showers bring May
flowers murdering hornets.
Everyone: What else could possibly happen in May?
The Murder Hornets: pic.twitter.com/mXsKiX8ixJ
— Stanley, It's Been Ages (@LeahCsMovies) May 2, 2020
April: Coronavirus and aliens
May: Coronavirus, aliens, AND murder hornets
June: Coronavirus, aliens, murder hornets, and I don’t even want to know.
June: 😷👽🐝 ????
— Matt Oswalt (@MattOswaltVA) May 3, 2020
Mankind: I’m so glad the dumpster fire of 2019 is over.
2020: Jumanji anyone?
Guys, this Jumanji game is already going so badly. Someone please roll a 6. https://t.co/MT4Id5Zf6P
— Benjamin Siemon (@BenjaminJS) May 2, 2020
Welcome to the first annual Hunger Games. Ladies and gentlemen, let the games begin.
The media: “'Murder Hornets' in the U.S.”
Hunger Games fans: pic.twitter.com/pijr8IOjYG
— President Snow ❄ (@realPrezSnow) May 3, 2020
I feel like god is using an end-of-the-world problem generator and just got “murder hornets”
— C.H.U.D.ney Spears (@chudneyspears) May 3, 2020
Could whoever is in charge of the simulation stop letting your little brother press all the buttons https://t.co/Hqp3ZyYcr7
— Kat Dennings (@OfficialKat) May 3, 2020
Of course, it could just be the Universe’s way of keeping us all indoors. Helllloooo homicidal hornets.
Governments: please stay inside.
Universe: I’ll take it from here. MURDER HORNETS
— Betches (@betchesluvthis) May 4, 2020
CDC: how can we get them to stop going outside?
God: *inventing murder hornets* lol check this out
— Eternal Samnation (@portmanteauface) May 3, 2020
If you’ve been wondering when this whole COVID thing will end, I’m thrilled to announce it will almost certainly be on the exact day the murder hornets decide to ramp shit up.
— Justin “Hoops” McElroy (@JustinMcElroy) May 2, 2020
In all seriousness, should you happen upon one of these hornets, don’t be a hero. Looney warns:
“Don’t try to take them out yourself if you see them. If you get into them, run away, then call us!”
Stay safe out there. Or better yet, just stay in. For the rest of 2020, probably.