By now, the entire internet has heard about the woman who wishes childless people could have the same “me time” afforded to women who take maternity leave during and following pregnancy and childbirth. Because if there’s anything remotely like a vacation, it’s maternity leave.

I don’t know about you, but I spent the majority of my 3 maternity leaves in quiet solitude, contemplating the meaning of life and my role in the universe’s grand plan. That and getting regular massages, reading self-help books, and binge-watching Netflix during all that spare time I had.

In my dreams, that is. (On the rare chance I actually got to sleep long enough to have them.)

Anyone who’s ever been around a baby or a child for more than 2 seconds ought to be able to at least imagine what it’s like to care for one, even if it’s impossible to understand until you actually do it. And anyone who’s ever been around a mother, for that matter, sure as hell should know that one who is well rested and enjoys boat loads of free time is about as common as unicorns who fart hundred dollar bills.

I’m not sure what gave this Meternity Leave woman the notion that recovering from pregnancy and childbirth and then keeping a tiny human being alive is some sort of cake walk, but I’d like to think it has something to do with the smiling, never-stressed, lying liar face images of moms that pervade our media every day.

Which is why I decided to caption a few of those phony photos. Who knows? Maybe Meternity Leave lady just might like to use them in her book’s sequel.

Yeah, Meternity Leave lady. This is totally what it’s like.