Babies are just so damn cute, aren’t they? Especially those sweet little newborns with their wrinkly little bodies and intoxicating smells. People can’t help but to lose their shit with excitement over these newest bundles of joy, doing whatever they can to get an in-person meeting with these precious cherubs.

To all of you baby-crazed idiots out there, please, for the love of God, CTFD and relax. Take a deep breath, count to three and exhale. This is a baby we’re talking about, not some magical unicorn that poops rainbows. The world will go on if you aren’t able to get your hands on that child 15 minutes after it makes its grand entrance. Believe me, the baby isn’t going anywhere anytime soon. Do everyone a favor and chill.

I’m not oblivious to this deep desire to rush to be one of the first few to hold that sweet child. I once was guilty of this stupid compulsion and understand the appeal of wanting to see, hold and touch these unbelievably tiny human beings. After having kids, I soon realized the need to back the f*ck off. 

Once people hear a birth announcement, they go completely ape shit. It’s like they’ve been stricken with this sickness, transforming a sensible human being with sound judgement into an overly-giddy, impulsive lunatic.

Want to camp out at the hospital as soon as you hear labor is in full force? Besides the fact you might be waiting a long time, do you fully understand the shit show that occurs during childbirth and how physically and emotionally exhausting labor can be? After the work mom just put in, a long-deserved rest is needed. Don’t be offended if she doesn’t want you up in her grill, asking questions and already offering some unwelcome advice. 

After delivery, the hospital room becomes a revolving door of doctors, nurses, lactation consultants and whoever else needs to check in on baby and Mom, often requiring privacy. I’m sure Mom doesn’t want you present for an up close and personal view of her vag, especially after the nightmare it just went through. When the nurse routinely stops in to press on her uterus, squirting blood everywhere, or when she tries to get up to use the restroom, leaving a trail of blood, you’re probably the last person she wants in the room as a witness.

If breastfeeding is on the table, peace, quiet and complete lack of distraction is highly desired. No mom wants to feel anxious or uncomfortable when nursing her baby, especially if it’s her first time. Breastfeeding can be stressful and frustrating on a good day. Throw in a problem with latching or any other issues that may arise and an audience won’t be appreciated. 

Let’s not forget how precious this time is for Mom and Dad to spend with their new baby. They will never get this moment back, so don’t be insulted if they aren’t thinking about inviting you or aren’t first on their call list. This is a life-changing event and no one can blame them if they want to take this time to enjoy their newest little one without the constant comings and goings of visitors. 

If you’ve managed to contain your request to come see the new baby until the parents have made it home from the hospital, congrats. I’m sure it was unbelievably difficult to wait three days – a few more won’t kill you.

Maybe you did make it to the hospital but are still itching for some more one-on-one time with that adorable, tiny human being. Consider pumping those brakes before rushing to visit the family at their humble abode.

If you have kids, you’ll understand giving the family some space post-delivery. If you don’t or have been out of the game for awhile, you may need a reminder about what’s happening behind closed doors. No one has slept for longer than a couple hours stretch at a time. Everyone is tired and cranky AF, leaving parents with little to no energy for any kind of conversation. No one wants to put on any real clothes to look presentable, and you better believe, no one feels up to cleaning or picking up the house for your visit. Also, let’s not forget how overwhelming it can be to take care of a new baby. It can be an emotional rollercoaster ride – especially for a postpartum mom. You may be focused on that baby, but don’t forget everything Mom has been through during delivery, not to mention the entirety of her pregnancy.

If you do happen to have the golden ticket for admission, proceed with caution. Do not overstay your welcome. Bring food. Want to help? Unload the dishwasher and take out the garbage. Above all else, definitely don’t offer unsolicited advice.

Twiddling your thumbs, waiting for an invite? Don’t call them. They’ll call you. When they’re ready to come out of hiding, they will let you know. And for the love of God, DO NOT SHOW UP UNANNOUNCED. That house is a battle zone. Upon your unwelcome, surprise visit, Mom is most likely mid-breastfeeding, sitting on an ice diaper, trying to catch some relief for her bottom. And who knows the last time she’s had a chance to shower. Neither of you will be comfortable seeing her tits hanging out, lactating everywhere, so if you ‘happen to be in the neighborhood,’ turn around and find another destination.

Welcoming a baby is undoubtedly an exciting occasion filled with so many emotions – happy, overwhelmed, proud, scared, and very, very tired. Every family has vastly different boundaries and wishes for when they are ready to accept visitors and at what capacity.

When planning your meet and greet, try to maintain some sensitivity and consideration for the new parents. Some moms are open and willing to accept visitors at the hospital while others might request complete privacy. Some may be comfortable allowing guests immediately upon returning home or some would prefer a week or two of space.

Above all else, remember to CTFD. Take a deep breath and take solace in knowing that baby isn’t going anywhere. Eventually, you will get to see, touch and hold him or her.

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About the Author

Ashleigh Wilkening is a SAHM of three children under the age of four who spends most of her days on a never-ending quest for a lost toy. She is a lover of caffeine, naps and a generously poured glass of cabernet. On the rare occasion she gets free time, she contemplates taking a nap in the family van, but finds herself exercising as it’s a more legitimate excuse to escape the house. She writes at Bless This Beautiful Mess and can be found on Twitter and Facebook.