It’s Maaaaaaaay! If you live in a northern state like I do, you’ve been waiting for this month since that first frost eight months ago. Flowers are sprouting. Snow boots are packed away. And the days are getting longer. You might even have an extra bounce in your step as you make those Target runs for baby wipes and tampons.
If you’re a parent, you probably also dread this time of year, as it’s fucking insane. The school year is wrapping up (but it “wraps up” for like 5 straight weeks), so this means backpacks are overflowing with American Revolution reports and Amelia Earhart paintings and math notebooks and writing notebooks and reading notebooks on the daily.
It means end-of-year concerts and graduations (even for preschool because why not put our kids in a cap and gown every fricking year for their entire upbringing?) and kindergarten plays where they all dress up like farm animals and moo and quack at 1 p.m. so you have to essentially take the entire day off work and field trips to the zoo that you must chaperone if you love your child even a little.
May means teacher appreciation week—you need to sign up for the luncheon or at least bring in a dozen donuts–and that spring sports are in full force (yay Saturday mornings in the rain!), and you better pray you remembered to sign them up for camp because that shit is full by now. And, there’s Mother’s Day in there, of course! A day that, in theory, should bring moms some relaxation but really means a soccer game, grocery shopping for the week, and ensuring that your grandma, your mom, and your husband’s mom all feel loved and special.
So daffodils or not, May kind of sucks. But it’s okay because once the insanity is over, the kids are officially out of school for like three straight months. And that’s the stuff of dreams right there.[adsanity id=”35664″ align=”aligncenter”/]
Here are 14 funny tweets about the
hell joy that is this time of the year when the birds chirping right outside your window at 5:56 a.m. are basically just saying to get your ass up and do the 873,000 things on your calendar.
Packing School Lunch at the Beginning of the Year: sandwich, crackers, GoGurt, apple slices, juice box, napkin, “I love you!” note
Packing School Lunch at the End of the Year: Chili’s gift card, M&Ms from Halloween
— AsKateWouldHaveIt (@KateWouldHaveIt) May 4, 2018
Last day of school:
Parents: [checking when first day of school is]
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) June 19, 2017
My 6 year old emptying his backpack in the kitchen on the last day of school like pic.twitter.com/A2Upo1hre4
— Lurkin’ Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) June 1, 2016
Parenthood: When Alice Cooper’s “School’s Out” begins to sound a bit like “The Imperial March.”
— JenniFerCryinOutLoud (@MiddlingMs) May 2, 2018
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It’s the last month of school, here are 97 activities in the middle of the day parents need to attend.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) May 9, 2018
“24 days until school is out, mom!”
24 days until the sibling beat down of 2018.
— Julie Burton (@ksujulie) May 2, 2018
School’s out in a month and my kid is already bored this summer.
— AsKateWouldHaveIt (@KateWouldHaveIt) May 2, 2018
Learning that there is already a waiting list for summer camp pic.twitter.com/fPtzbSYclE
— ParlerToddler (@Parler_Toddler) March 19, 2018
Tried to calculate how many days left until summer vacation using Common Core Math but by the time I was done the kids were back in school.
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) May 26, 2016
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Like a prisoner on death row eating their last meal, but it’s me devouring snacks alone during the last day of school before summer break.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) June 8, 2016
It’s my kids’ last day of school. I sorta just want to get rip-roaring drunk on my last day of freedom.
— Julie Burton (@ksujulie) May 20, 2016
— Julie Vick (@vickjulie) April 28, 2018
If you need me, I’ll be volunteering for things at my kids’ school for the rest of eternity.
— the Mom TruthBomb (@momTruthBomb) June 12, 2017
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My favorite part of school getting out is looking through the lost & found bin & finding 16 water bottles with my kid’s name on them.
— Karen Johnson (@21stcenturysahm) May 19, 2017
FYI, May is also the month I start driveway drinking at 5 while my kids ride bikes in the street and stalk the ice cream truck. And settle down, Susan. I am NOT a bad mom. They wear helmets, for crying out loud.