Humor Parenting SPM/MM Tweets

14 Tweets About Parents’ Love/Hate Relationship With the End of School

Warm weather is here, flowers are blooming, and the days are longer. However. The school is wrapping up, there are 900 activities to volunteer for, and at the end of the insanity, your kid are out of school for 3 straight months. Time to stock up on booze.

It’s Maaaaaaaay! If you live in a northern state like I do, you’ve been waiting for this month since that first frost eight months ago. Flowers are sprouting. Snow boots are packed away. And the days are getting longer. You might even have an extra bounce in your step as you make those Target runs for baby wipes and tampons.


If you’re a parent, you probably also dread this time of year, as it’s fucking insane. The school year is wrapping up (but it “wraps up” for like 5 straight weeks), so this means backpacks are overflowing with American Revolution reports and Amelia Earhart paintings and math notebooks and writing notebooks and reading notebooks on the daily.

It means end-of-year concerts and graduations (even for preschool because why not put our kids in a cap and gown every fricking year for their entire upbringing?) and kindergarten plays where they all dress up like farm animals and moo and quack at 1 p.m. so you have to essentially take the entire day off work and field trips to the zoo that you must chaperone if you love your child even a little.

May means teacher appreciation week—you need to sign up for the luncheon or at least bring in a dozen donuts–and that spring sports are in full force (yay Saturday mornings in the rain!), and you better pray you remembered to sign them up for camp because that shit is full by now. And, there’s Mother’s Day in there, of course! A day that, in theory, should bring moms some relaxation but really means a soccer game, grocery shopping for the week, and ensuring that your grandma, your mom, and your husband’s mom all feel loved and special.

So daffodils or not, May kind of sucks. But it’s okay because once the insanity is over, the kids are officially out of school for like three straight months. And that’s the stuff of dreams right there.

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Here are 14 funny tweets about the hell joy that is this time of the year when the birds chirping right outside your window at 5:56 a.m. are basically just saying to get your ass up and do the 873,000 things on your calendar.

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FYI, May is also the month I start driveway drinking at 5 while my kids ride bikes in the street and stalk the ice cream truck. And settle down, Susan. I am NOT a bad mom. They wear helmets, for crying out loud.