By Darla Halyk of NewWorldMom

As parents, our responsibility is to prepare our children for the real world. To help them become responsible members of society.

We hold their hand and teach them to look both ways before crossing the street. However, as they grow and begin to become more self-sufficient, we must learn to let go.

One of the most difficult parenting challenges I have faced thus far is permitting my once needy children to step out into the world without my guiding hand to prevent them from harm.

That is, until Friday afternoon. When the death of a peer, a friend, and a schoolmate became a cruel reality. As of yet, my greatest parenting challenge to date.

On Friday, my typically happy and spirited fourteen-year-old daughter walked through the door with a look of distress emblazoned across her face.

We had been experiencing an unusual windstorm throughout the day. She had left for school in high spirits, hoping the wind would cut power and she would be able to leave early. I was shocked to see melancholy in her eyes as she sat her backpack on our kitchen island.

“Mom, a tree fell on a grade eleven kid at school.” Her voice cracked as she slumped her body across the counter. Within an instant, my concern for her mood shifted to sheer panic. A parent’s gravest thought pierced my mind, prompting a sharp pain in the back of my eyes.

“Where is your brother?” Urgency attached itself to my lips as my eyes widened. My mind was racing as I realized my son had not yet made it home from school. I clutched for my phone and started to text him. “Mom, he doesn’t have wifi, the power is out.” Her small hand reached out for mine. “He has to work tonight; I saw him leave with Kyle.”

An overwhelming sense of relief jolted from my head to my toes. Followed by the terrible reality that another family was in an enormous amount of pain at this precise minute.

The news spread quickly throughout our suburban corner of the world. Within a few minutes of my daughter arriving home, my neighbor’s son rushed past our house toward his front door in tears.

It seemed we were all outside, waiting to hear any news, aimlessly pausing and in demand of direction.

I glanced at my neighbor as she pulled her son in tight to her chest, a stream of motherly love exchanged as we both held our children close.

My daughter and I, somber, stood on our front porch, awaiting a message from my son’s friend. Fearing it was one of his buddies. Text messages flew back and forth between my daughter and her girlfriends, everyone in shock and reeling.

That’s when we overheard the boy next door tell his mom what he knew of the accident. We watched him collapse to his knees. “He died, Mom. He passed away in the hospital.”

Both my daughter and I looked at each other with tears in our eyes, my heart aching for an entire community, this boy’s family and his friends. I saw confusion in my daughter’s eyes, hurt, and anger. My heart sunk further inside me than the sadness of any scraped knee I had bandaged up in my lifetime.

It wasn’t long before we found out who had passed and sorely realized it indeed was one of my son’s friends. I could see the effects of this tragedy burdening her heart, as well as the sorrow in her spirit for her brother.

Not until my son arrived home from work later that night did I get to talk with him. He sat across the same kitchen island my daughter had slumped her overwhelmed body across earlier that afternoon. A look of defeat in his eyes had me on the verge of tears. There is nothing that can prepare a parent for a moment as shattering as this.

He lost a friend, a tragic loss, which leaves him hurting harder than any other moment up to this point in our lives. No Band-Aid or kiss can take away his injury.

There is nothing I can do to fix this. I merely have to watch as my son strives desperately to swallow the harsh pill of life and, sorrowfully, death.

I merely have to wait as both my children navigate the pain of loss.

As tears washed their cheeks and melancholia ate at their body language, my heart broke. I could not protect them from this pain, and it was devastating.

Later that night my daughter and I sat on the couch, her head on my shoulder and fingers entwined carefully between each of mine. She kissed me on the cheek and said something that will sit with me forever. Her words soft and sweet as they left her lips: “Mom, I don’t know how T or I could go through this without you.”

It was at that moment I realized: I may not be able to take away their pain or change the sadness of losing a friend. But I had already prepared them as best I could for this world simply by being their mom and directing them the best I could.

I realized every parenting moment up to this point has been part of their preparation. I helped mold these babies into amazing humans. Into people who don’t have to face adversity and tragedy alone merely because they are growing into adults, but rather who can face it together as a family. With me as their mom.

We as parents spend our lives doing everything we can to prepare our children for the world. There are going to be times we can’t take away hurt, but we will always be there when they need us most. Every hand held while crossing the street, every guided footstep up those scary stairs. Each bedtime story and tickle fight. All of the little moments are how we help our children in the times we cannot control the world.

There is a gofundme set up to help this young man’s family, as well as to try and set up a scholarship in his name. You can find it here. 

This post was originally published on NewWorldMom.

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About the Author

Darla Halyk is the mom of a teenage boy and girl. She studied Business Management at Simon Fraser University. Soon after receiving her degree, she married and quickly got pregnant with her first child. Deciding to stay home with her kids instead of returning to the workforce after the birth of her son, she become an SAHM, but not your average one. The gig lasted until the kids were school-aged, and her marriage ended in divorce. Darla has enjoyed writing since she was old enough to hold a pen to paper. Currently, she writes for her blog at NewWorldMom — bringing a fresh, honest and humorous take on parenting, women’s issues, relationships, divorce, and life, in general. Follow her on Facebook and Twitter.