By Sarah Pierce of Midwest Mummy

Please consider this a public service announcement on behalf of all the actively involved parents of the world. Chair parents, I’m talking to you. Not sure if you’re a chair mom or dad? Please, read on.

Dear Jackass Chair Parent,

For the love of God, please get off of your ass and deal with your toddler before I, or someone not as nice as I am, does it for you. Oh, you don’t think that I’m talking to you? If you’re sitting on your ass at a party saying, “Don’t push,” I’m certainly talking to you. If your toddler is at the park throwing sand while you call over to him, “Stop, I mean it!” I’m talking to you. If your adorable little one just took my kid’s toy and she’s screaming, and you simply call out, “Give it back!” and consider your job done, then read on asshat, because I’m talking to you.

That’s YOUR child and therefore YOUR responsibility. You feed, bathe and otherwise care for him (I hope), so ask yourself: Why the hell should I, a stranger, have to awkwardly attempt to show your kid the err of his ways? If I wanted another toddler to scold, guess what? I’d have my own. Why should I have to steer my tot to play with something else or in another spot because you’re a lazy chair parent and won’t get off your ass?

I totally get it—you’re tired. Guess what? I am too. I too spent half of my night cleaning, tending to 2 a.m. tears, or vegging out on the couch because I spent all day at work and all evening taking care of my own two-year old. (Note: After bedtime is a great time to just sit, not when your kid is being a jerk).

Furthermore, I’m quite certain your kid will listen to you more than me (unless the beast mom comes out because your kid is just that bad and I can’t take it). I bet that your tiny terror may be so excited to see you up close in such a setting that she’ll want to play with you. Do it. Get off your ass and play with your kid. Her childhood is flying by, after all.

I’m a working mom. I spend more awake hours away from my daughter than with her five days a week. I want to spend this moment with her, playing or watching as she explores the world and makes friends with other non-asshole kids. I’d rather not worry about your kid while you’re over there screaming at him to “quit it or you’re leaving.” In fact, if you don’t mind, please do leave; then I can enjoy my time here. Or, better yet, get your ass up and be an involved parent before it’s too late.

Take a moment to teach your child that pushing isn’t nice, taking things without asking is wrong, and hurting people leaves you without friends in the end. You’ll be making your life and society on the whole far better by raising your kid right when you stand up (literally) and teach him right from wrong. Yelling out orders or exclamations from 50 feet away isn’t going to work. Please see this and understand where I’m coming from…then get off your ass and do something about it.

Sincerely,

A parent just as exhausted as you are who still knows when to step in and keep my tiny terror in check.

P.S. If it sounds like I’m judging you, it’s because I am.

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About Sarah Pierce

Sarah Pierce is a Midwest mom with one crazy toddler, an awesome husband, and a ridiculous chocolate lab, surviving on caffeine, love, and as little sleep as humanly possible. She’s new to the blogging world with a previous contribution on Scary Mommy, and a full time job. Follow Sarah on Twitter (@TriSarahTops04) or her blog Midwest Mummy.