Do you know what the best thing is about having kids? Taking them swimming. I mean, you can’t beat it. The joy, the memories… THIS is why I became a parent, you say to yourself, when you’re on hour four of “watching this” and readjusting goggles and soothing tears because Johnny has way better goggles and “I’m hungry! These pretzels are soggy now because they got wet” and reapplying sunscreen to slippery eels who also have to poop right now.
It’s the best, isn’t it?
Especially if you have toddlers. Seriously. Who doesn’t want to spend 90 minutes getting ready to go to the pool for a half hour? And then spend that entire half hour frantically checking the swim diaper every other minute? Only to end your brief visit with meltdowns because “Samantha took my Barbie!” and “I want another ice cream” (after she dropped the last you one you bought).
Livin the dream right there.
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So here are 20 very funny and relatable tweets from parents who get it—from applying sunscreen to forcing their own selves into bathing suits to the ratio of actually swimming vs. whining, snacking, peeing, and pooping. It’s all in here. So climb aboard your obnoxiously large turtle raft that it took you two hours to blow up and let’s do this.
Please don’t poop in the pool
Please don’t poop in the pool
Please don’t poop in the pool
Please don’t poop in the pool
Please don’t poop in the pool
Please don’t poop in the pool
Please don’t poop in the pool-Me with my toddler at the pool
— Why all these kids? (@whyallthesekids) July 3, 2018
A fun thing about kids pool parties is you get to have awkward conversations with parents you barely know while wearing a swimsuit.
— ParlerToddler (@Parler_Toddler) June 21, 2018
The pool is a fun place to watch your kids fight about inflatable toys instead of their regular toys.
— Meredith (@PerfectPending) July 8, 2017
“When can we swim in the pool?”
-my kids, 5 minutes after getting out of the pool
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) April 9, 2017
Teaching my kid math like:
If swimming lessons start in 3 minutes and the pool is 10 minutes away, how late are we going to be?
— Life at Tiffany’s (@lifeattiffanys) January 23, 2017
It’s summer.
My life now consists of pretending to “watch this” in the pool during the day and washing wet towels at night.— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) June 14, 2017
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Mommy & Me swim lessons. Bc who doesn’t wanna pay to chase a shrieking toddler through a locker room with half your mom-bod flapping around.
— JenniFerCryinOutLoud (@MiddlingMs) May 16, 2016
You think you’ve prepared for every possibility and then you wear a bathing suit that has ties to the pool with your kids
— AsKateWouldHaveIt (@KateWouldHaveIt) June 30, 2018
I took my kids to the pool today because it seemed like a good day to get splashed in the face 347 times.
— The Real American Dadass (@R_A_Dadass) May 29, 2018
My 4 year old spilled water on his bathing suit, so he can’t go in the pool until he changes and this is why vodka is a thing.
— Lurkin’ Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) August 16, 2016
“One two three four. One two three… oh crap. Wait, there she is. One two three four.”
-Me relaxing with all my kids at the pool
— Paige Kellerman (@PaigeKellerman) June 7, 2016
Instructor: Welcome to our Summer with Kids Preparedness class. Our first lesson is how to apply sunscreen. Everyone grab an angry raccoon.
— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) August 2, 2016
When you hear “Oh! Mommy, I like your COW bathing suit!” you 1) explain black & white floral to your kid or 2) just never return to the public pool.
— Ms. Havisham (@MissHavisham) July 3, 2018
[adsanity id=”35665″ align=”aligncenter”/]Nothing rejuvenates a parent’s soul like a beach day /w/ the soothing sounds of kids fighting & a relaxing mile jog to the closest bathroom.
— Walking Outside (@WalkingOutside) June 7, 2017
Parenthood is so hard. Like when you’re at the pool & your kids want to stay longer but your phone has 2% battery.
— Karen Johnson (@21stcenturysahm) June 15, 2017
My kids have been swimming for 4 seconds and haven’t asked me to “watch.”
*Update*
Actually, it took 5 seconds.— Molly England (@bluebonetbabies) June 18, 2017
If you haven’t hyperventilated blowing up a pool raft, is it even summer?
— Molly England (@bluebonetbabies) June 19, 2017
Anyone else already over the beach? #summerwithkids #travelwithkids #familytravel #summertime #summermommin‘ pic.twitter.com/giJi6eQJoM
— MomCave TV (@MomCaveTV) July 3, 2018
Other parents: My kids smell so good after a bath. I just want to breathe them in.
Me: My kids smell like chlorine.
— Julie Burton (@ksujulie) July 10, 2017
[adsanity id=”35666″ align=”aligncenter”/]When you’re kid hates showers but loves the splash pad pic.twitter.com/pqbBTDm7Fx
— Why all these kids? (@whyallthesekids) January 30, 2018
See? You’re not alone. Whether you’re cleaning sand out of your toddler’s butt-crack or chlorine out of her hair, taking the kids swimming just sucks all around. But for some reason we all keep doing it. Because of love. Or desperation for some way to pass these endless summer days. But probably mostly love.
So we’ll see you there tomorrow. I’ll bring the juice boxes and a few water guns they’ll fight over. How about you bring some fruit they’ll refuse to eat? Cool.