It’s our favorite time of the year, parents! Not only are the kids adding 36 items to their Christmas lists every fricking day and fighting with us over wearing coats even if their lips are blue, but we are also supposed to remember to move the damn elf every night! I like to set my phone alarm to remind me, ignore the alarm and say, “I’ll get up and do it in a minute,” forget, and be forced to explain Elf immobility in the morning before coffee. It’s good times.
Well, at least we’re not alone. Here are some of the funniest parents on Twitter sharing how much they, too, love the elf. So. Much. Love.
This year I’ll be trying a new variation of “Elf on a Shelf”.
It’s called “Mom on a Couch Not Doing Elf on a Shelf”.
— Walking Outside (@WalkingOutside) November 22, 2016
8: Hey the Shelf Elf just moved to a different place! It wasn’t there a minute ago!
Me [to wife]: Did you move it?
Wife: No. You?
Me: No. [to older kids] Did one of you-
Older kids: No.
Me: EVERYONE PACK YOUR SHIT WE’RE MOVING.
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) December 5, 2017
Someone had their Elf on the Shelf “kidnapped” and this might be the most brilliant move yet.
— Domestic Goddess (@DomesticGoddss) December 5, 2017
“Stupidassfuckingelf.” – me, at 1:30 a.m.
— Julie Burton 🎄 (@ksujulie) December 4, 2017
I just yelled, “YOU NEED TO GET IN ELF MODE!!! I moved that thing at 4 am this morning!” at my husband if you’re wondering how our December is going so far.
— Meredith (@PerfectPending) December 5, 2017
Before kids: Loses sleep worrying about the existence of God and the purpose of life.
After kids: Loses sleep worrying about not moving the elf.
— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) November 29, 2017
*Loosens screws on the shelf to make it look like the Elf has an “accident”*
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) December 2, 2017
The Elf on the Shelf is a reminder of what happens when people with big ideas take things too far.
— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) November 22, 2016
If telling my kids that Santa fired their Elf on the Shelf this year is wrong, I don’t want to be right.
— TheMotherOctopus (@MotherOctopusKJ) November 29, 2017
Parents, it’s called Elf on the Shelf, not Elf on the Zipline Made of Licorice That Ends in a Punchbowl Full of Mini Marshmallows, you assholes.
— Valerie ❤️s Presents (@ValeeGrrl) December 2, 2017
My daughter wants to put an overnight video feed on our Elf on the Shelf. Help.
— Bottlerocket (@bottlerocket) December 5, 2017
A lot of people use “Elf On a Shelf” to keep their kids in line during the holidays. I use a different yuletide disciplinary method – I call it “Yelling At Them The Same As Always But Now I’m Standing By A Slowly Dying Pine Tree”.#Festive
— ReasonsMySonIsCrying (@ReasonsMySonCry) December 5, 2017
Instead of Elf on the Shelf only in December, we use Cam on the Fam all year round. It’s not plugged in but the kids are still paranoid lol. pic.twitter.com/G17NU4QlBr
— The Dad (@thedadonline) December 14, 2016
Elf on the Shelf Placement Ideas
• bottom of a trashcan
• inside a lit fireplace
• in a hole dug in the yard
• left unpurchased in the store
— HowToBeADad (@HowToBeADad) December 4, 2017
*rage moves the elf
— Housewife of Hell (@HousewifeOfHell) November 30, 2017
Like Chucky, but for Christmas!
– how they came up with the Elf on the Shelf, probably
— the Mom TruthBomb (@momTruthBomb) November 29, 2017
Arguing with my husband over whose turn it is to move the Elf is what this season is really about.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) December 2, 2017
Get your kids to stay in bed by taping a walkie talkie to your elf on the shelf’s back and whispering, “He sees you when you’re sleeping.”
— Mommy Christmases (@mommy_cusses) November 23, 2016
Hang in there, parents. A few weeks to go until little Elfie flies away for 11 months!
Mine might retire this year, however. She’s had a good run. She’s ready for a condo in Scottsdale and some Shuffleboard.