By Brianna Bell

Last week, I decided to dust off my yoga mat and dig out my long-forgotten weights.

I always say I don’t have time to work out, but most of my day is spent entertaining my two kids. I figured I could combine the two by entertaining them while doing jumping jacks.

My plan didn’t exactly work out.

Here are the ten things you need to know if you plan to exercise with your kids:

1. The yoga mat is not your mat.

It doesn’t matter that you need it for your exercises and that it only fits one person. Your kids will flock to the yoga mat and throw their flailing bodies onto it just as you stretch into downward dog. When you manage to claim a corner as your own, it will be the corner covered in drool and soggy Cheerios.

When I asked my preschooler ever so nicely to please move over a few inches, she rolled her eyes and said, “I’m sorry, Mom, but I’m trying to exercise here.”

2. You are a human jungle gym.

If you try to plank, you are unwittingly signaling your kids to jump on your back and demand a horsey ride. The more kids you have, the more demanding the fun.

Today, I lay defeated on the floor with one kid on my neck and the other on my back like I was Ronda Rousey and just lost my first UFC fight to not one, but two Holly Holmses.

3. Your kids will demand your attention.

My 3-year-old is already the question queen, but it wasn’t until I started working out that she literally needed to know all the things.

During push ups, Penny stuck her fingers in my face and asked, “Is poop always supposed to smell bad and Nutella always supposed to smell good?” Trying to stay in the zone, I replied with a simple, “Yep.”

“Well, I guess you better help me clean out my finger nails then. I mean, when you’re done with your exercises.”

And just like that, the zone was gone.

4. Beware the nursling.

If you have a nursing kid who is also on the move, good luck. Working out is hard, and that kid is going to get thirsty. And she won’t accept any beverage except the one that flows from your boobs. And she will do it at the most inconvenient times.

While I chugged some water during my 15-second break between exercises, Georgia pulled on my shirt, demanding a “drink break” too. Of course, all that boob bouncing and jiggling during my workout made her that much more thirsty.

5. You’ll have a new appreciation for fit moms.

You’ll wonder how the heck moms find time to work out and many other big questions about life and motherhood as your kid sits on your face while you air bike.

When I wait in line at the grocery store and see a mom in workout gear, I want so badly to ask, “Excuse me, slim mom with the buns of steel, how do you find time to look so much hotter than me?”

6. Your child will whine for cartoons the whole time.

Your kid will grow bored of the workout after the first thirty seconds. She will then demand you “change the channel.” You won’t even need a timer to tell you when to change positions thanks to the whining at 30-second intervals.

I usually turn on Bubble Guppies for the next 90 minutes following my 20-minute workout. They exercised today so it’s okay, right?

7. You will need to make tough choices.

Stop mid-lunge to keep your kid from dumping a cup of water vs. clean up the mess later? Stop the Irish jig to break-up the very real Irish brawl (sans whiskey) in your living room vs. let natural selection run its course?

I almost always choose my own health over my kids, wet floor and bruises be damned.

8. You’ll get the best workout of your life.

Planking with a kid on your back? Check. 
Chasing a kid down the hall while your TV trainer tells you to “walk in place”? Check. 
Lifting your 20-pound child instead of the five-pound weights? Check.

That YouTube trainer has no idea who he’s dealing with. If you can keep up with your kids, you can run circles around that joker.

9. Kids are comedians.

Watching your kids exercise is the most side-splitting comedy act you will see. Laughing burns calories too, right?

I usually consider working out serious business. For only twenty minutes a day, I would love to focus and not have someone acting like a drunk monkey. But then I would deprive myself of the hilarity of two of these drunk monkeys trying to do a burpee.

10. Kids are the best cheerleaders.

Despite how obnoxious they can be, your kids will be awesomely supportive and encouraging.

Each morning Penny asks me, “Are you doing your exercises today, Mama?” She’s my mighty mini-me and accountability partner. Throughout my routine she’ll bend down, pressing her warm Cheerio breath in my face and shout, “You go, Mama! You’re doing great!”

And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Now, I’m off to eat a donut, because I exercised with my kids today. I deserve it.

************

About Brianna Bell

Brianna Bell is a freelance writer with work published in The Globe & Mail, Scary Mommy, and Bon Bon Break. She lives in Guelph, Ontario with her husband Daniel and their two kids Penny and Georgia. You can find her on her Facebook Page, Brianna Bell Writes.