By Carol Sustaire of Uphill Home
Oh, Thanksgiving! As if the delight of twenty people crammed in a sweltering hot abode isn’t enough for the pregnant woman, she has to endure your hilarious quips on gestation and weight gain, too! As a woman who has been pregnant at Thanksgiving a whopping 6 times, I thought I’d provide you with some guidelines before the holiday arrives.
Here are 10 things the pregnant lady in your family does not want to hear this Thanksgiving:
1. ANY and ALL turkey jokes. This includes jokes about “cooking” that baby still and also any hilarious pop-up timer antics. “Ready to POP?” Yeah, maybe she’ll POP you in the face.
2. Jokes about “eating for two.” Or how much she is eating at all. Ever.
3. A disgusting play-by-play of someone’s bloody birth story, especially while everyone is trying to eat cherry pie. She’s probably got some idea of how this is all going to happen, so can we skip the gory details?
4. “Are you sure you’re not having twins?” Please, lay off the LOOK HOW BIG YOU ARE jokes. They are not funny. Also this is not a sideshow, so stop gawking.
5. “Should you be eating that (high sodium, high sugar, gas-inducing, high calorie, dairy, non-organic) food?” Oh, come on! Do NOT deny this gal what she is craving. She’s done her research. Give the hungry pregger lady what she wants and no one will get hurt.
6. “How are you feeling?” Probably stabby, so let’s just skip this question too, OK?
7. Labor inquiries. Yes, that was really just gas. No, she is not clutching her stomach because she is currently in labor, so simmer down. Cut the jokes about what you’ll do if something Hollywood happens and you have to deliver right here at Grandma’s house. No one wants to imagine that nightmare, thank you. And no, you wouldn’t dare let Uncle Joe cut the cord with his new electric knife.
8. ANY old wives tales. “Seconds on potatoes? It must be a girl.” Ummm… no. She’s here for turkey, not baloney.
9. All of your reasons NOT to have kids. A little late for advice, isn’t it? Why don’t we just banish you to the kids’ table as punishment?
10. Holiday drinking jokes. The most unfair! Quit waving your frosty beer or glass of wine around in her face! She can’t drink to make YOU more bearable, so please give her a break!
Let’s all raise our glasses and give thanks that we aren’t the pregnant ones at this year’s holiday affair. Have a little sympathy for your pregnant friends and relatives, and this year’s holiday will be gravy.
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About Carol Sustaire
Carol Sustaire is the mother of five and a giver of high fives. She spends her weekdays glued to the seat of the minivan, and weekends as a yard sale aficionado and professional face painter. Carol can be found posting her latest funky yard sale treasures on Facebook, and writing awesome treasures on Uphill Home.