I am on Today Parents dishing the dirt on 10 semi-serious tips for surviving kids. Check out the preview below, click the post link to see the full shtick, and be sure to click the vote button next to the social media icons at the top if you are so inclined. Enjoy!

Kids are exhausting, y’all. Scratch that. Much like cigarettes and booze, kids’ll kill ya. In a sweet, I-wouldn’t-trade-it-for-the-world sort of way, of course.

Looking for ways to make it through parenthood? I’m your gal, coming at you with ten semi-serious tips for how to survive your kids.

1. Hide out in the bathroom as often as humanly possible. Some people may call this “neglect,” but I like to refer to it as “successfully making it through another day without killing anyone.” In all seriousness, though, getting away and enjoying a moment to oneself is critical to surviving parenthood. Make sure you do it at least once a day, even if locking yourself in the loo for five minutes is the only way to accomplish this.

2. Stock up on wine. Or beer. Or thirty-year-old scotch. Whatever gets you through the tough times. Even if booze is not your thing, a nice cup of calming tea or a vitamin-packed fruit smoothie will do the trick as well. As long as it serves to lift your spirits (pun intended), treating yourself once in a while is always a must-do for harried parents.

3. Go get your hair did. If that’s not possible, how about getting your makeup done? Your muscles massaged just right? When the stress of keeping kids in line and alive reaches code red, you’ve got to pamper yourself. Think of the splurge as health insurance — for yourself and your offspring.

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