Having kids is awesome. There is nothing that compares to the unconditional love and immeasurable joy that they bring to your life. But sometimes? Parenting has a dark side, fraught with unexpected dangers. And it’s in these moments that you realize it ain’t all fun and games.
In a Facebook post that has exploded literally overnight with over 160,000 shares and 95,000 comments, Sidney, the mom behind the page “Someone Hold My Beer,” regales readers with her own tale of horror. And OMG, I can’t stop laughing.
Behold, exhibit A. Also known as a partially eaten vanilla ice cream cone.
Sidney begins her post with the following words:
Y’ALL!!!! I am DONE with these kids!! I learned a hard lesson today…one I wasn’t prepared for and I feel like I’ve been through a trauma! I need prayer! 🤦🏼♀️😵💩
And you just know, based on the poop emoji, that this is going to be good. So very good.
Sidney goes on to explain that she purchased her 4-year-old daughter, Blakely, an ice cream cone from Macdonald’s. When her daughter presented the partially eaten cone to her mother, Sidney thought nothing of it and licked it before it could drip all over the living room floor. And therein lies her first mistake — believing a 4-year-old didn’t want to finish her ice cream.
In her defense, any mom can attest that most of our daily caloric intake is just eating the leftovers off of our kids’ plates. And that’s exactly where Sidney’s head was.
We as moms pretty much live off of the food our kids don’t eat so I licked it before it dripped. I notice she is standing there looking at me like this 👉🏼😐.
I ask her: “what’s wrong?”
And she says: “Is it okay?!”
And here is where our little story goes south. Literally. The fear sets in.
At this point I’m scared b/c I don’t know what just happened. I think maybe she dropped it in her room and was scared to say. We stand there looking at each other and the ice cream cone. And this fool says: “I accidentally wiped my butt with it”
Bahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! This poor woman! Sydney has so many questions about what will henceforth be known as the Vanilla-Vajajay Incident.
Excuse me?!! With this ice cream cone I just licked?! Wtf!! I am coming unglued…so I ask this child “How do you accidentally wipe your butt with an ice cream and WHY did you give it to me to eat????” 😳😑🤐
Because she is FOUR. And this, my friends, is the true face of a 4-year-old. Sure, they’re cute and fun and say silly things. But don’t let that fool you. Behind those sweet, big, innocent eyes is a little devil in disguise. Those terrible 2-year-olds? They’ve got nothing on freaking 4-year-olds.
She looks me dead in my face and says “I used the wrong hand to wipe but it was just pee mommy”
It.Was.Just.Pee. I’m sorry, I’m going to need a minute…Someone please send this poor woman a case of antibacterial mouthwash.
Sidney finishes her post with the following words:
DONE! Someone come get these kids. I cannot even handle it. If y’all need me I’ll be washing my mouth out with Clorox. 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️😒
The funniest part of the post though? May just be her hashtags at the bottom:
The response to her post has been huge, with the majority of people feeling her pain and offering their own words of encouragement and tales of terror.
I know what just happened to you is beyond words but know your misfortune helped me laugh and brighten up my day. I am praying for you and sending you strength to get through this.
Omg I am so sorry!!! But that’s 😂😂😂hilarious! Prayers mama… mine ate my contacts, broke my glasses, flooded the daycare bathroom, flooded the bathroom floor, cut each others hair, cut open a foam ball lightening McQueen pillow, found my 24 pack of glitter all opened in their closet….yes mama…I feel your pain!!! Hugs!
My mom was watching my son when he was little, maybe 2. She snuck him cookies after I said no. She was quickly trying to hide the evidence when I walked in the room and licked the “chocolate” off his fingers. As soon as I turned the corner she was heaving. He had pooped and stuck his hand in his diaper. She ate his POOP!! 😂
I once caught my small daughter brushing the dogs teeth with my toothbrush. My daughter is almost 18 now and the dog is 8…i still to this day use a new toothbrush almost every day. I can just never trust where mine might have been…im sure the time i caught her was not the first time she had done it…i also walked in and found her playing in the toilet with her dads toothbrush once…bet she had done that before too…Soooo….my oldest child is now six but when she was one, she got the flu at daycare and had diarrhea.
I was changing her little raw baby butt and she was crying so hard. I was saying, “Awww it’s gonna be okay, hunny. Mommy knows.” I had my mouth wide open when she coughed…and she projectile shot diarrhea all over me and the wall…and into my mouth. Like…a lot of diarrhea…in my mouth.
My MOUTH!!!! I’m on my 95689th bottle of peroxide and counting.
It would seem that parenting should come with a lifetime supply of bleach.
Fair warning to all you parents out there: never, and I mean never, trust a child who willingly hands over their ice cream cone. You may just get waaaay more than you ever bargained for.