By Joanna McClanahan of Ramblin’ Mama

Hey new mama,

I know it seems lonely when it feels like the rest of the world is sleeping.

The late night feedings are just one in a long line of new adjustments in those first weeks of motherhood. Your baby is up and eating every few hours, and your last full night of sleep is getting harder and harder to recall. You might not even know what day it is.

Rest assured, all of that is normal. It’s normal to feel overwhelmed and exhausted. It’s normal to feel like a hot, hormonal mess. It’s definitely normal to worry that you don’t know what the hell you’re doing (I’d like to tell you that gets better, but not in my experience).

But you DID it, mama. You made, carried, and worked hard to bring that baby into this world. Look at your baby right now; you made that little squish.

I know you thought long and hard about how all of this would go, from childbirth to breastfeeding and everything in between. But we learn right away that parenting has very little to do with things working out the way we think they will. Our expectations almost never align with reality, and all we can do is try to make the most of the hand we’re dealt.

Go ahead and mourn any hopes that will never come to pass. It’s okay to be sad. Pissed even. Get mad, yell about the things you hate the most. Let yourself ugly cry; get it all out.

But after you let it out, it’s time to let go. Don’t let feelings of guilt or resentment come to harbor. Life is too short and too precious to waste energy on the things you can’t change.

Did you catch all the good parts, mama?

Do you remember the tears that came instinctively when you saw your baby for the first time?

Did you notice the way your partner beamed when they looked at you? So filled with pride, overflowing with joy.

I promise not to tell you to “enjoy every moment” because, as someone who’s probably been covered in some sort of baby secretions in the past few hours, you know that some moments just suck. But noticing the good ones will make it easier to navigate the not-so-good ones.

There’s no disputing that the first few months of childrearing are the hardest (except for when they become teenagers, I’m told), but there is sweetness all around you. Try not to waste your energy on the “could-haves” and the “need-tos” because everything will work out in time, and in what feels like the blink of an eye, your baby will no longer be a baby.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help. More than likely, you have friends and family who want to help support you but don’t know how. Help them help you. It’s like the famous saying, “Sometimes it takes a village to make sure mom doesn’t lose her shit.” Or something similar, I’m sure.

It’s okay to put your needs first sometimes. And I highly recommend saying “yes” to any opportunity for temporary reprieve that presents itself. Don’t feel guilty about time spent away from your little one. Time away will make you appreciate your time together that much more.

Above all else, try to take it easy on yourself. Remember, it’s not possible to be a perfect parent or to have a perfect child, but there are a million perfect moments along the way. When you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, hold your baby close, breathe in their sweetness, and take a moment to remember there is beauty in the chaos.

*****

About the Author

Joanna McClanahan is Editor at Mock Mom. She’s also a Contributor at Sammiches & Psych Meds and has been published on Scary Mommy. You can find more from her on RamblinMama.com, Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.