List of People Who are Owed My Revenge
Humor Life

List of People Who are Owed My Revenge

List of People Who are Owed My Revenge
I’m going to send this guy after them. That ought to learn ’em.
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Dear Diary,

Me again. Was just thinking: I lost that list of people that I was going to get revenge on, so I guess I’ll start over. It was getting too long anyway.

Person #1: Big Brother Jeremy (seems to be a fair place to start- chances are he has held top spot since it began).

In order to seek the proper revenge, I will record the events that unfolded, requiring decisive, albeit delayed, reaction.

Upon a visit to Uncle Jeremy’s house, the following took place (not sure the exact order):

  • Kids were talked into going to JFK school instead of the school closest to our house
  • Kids were fed copious amounts of water, and kids were promised or led to believe they were going to have ice cream that night.

The consequences of these actions were far reaching and almost immediate.

We arrived at the school and 2 minutes later Nina had to go potty. As previously stated, the school was not within easy reach. It might as well have been in Canada for the snowball’s chance we had in making it home, which meant there was no option but for her to hold it until we got there. Long story short, two of the three girls at the school had accidents. The one who didn’t (hint: it was me) did not accept water at residence mentioned previously.

According to my math, this means 100% of the people who drank water at Jeremy’s house peed themselves. If I were to draw a pie chart, it would be totally filled in. If I made a pie that was the pie chart only in real pie, it would have Oreo filling all in it. Then I would take a picture because it would last longer, and I would eat the pie.

Some of it would be my breakfast. It would be yummy. *clears throat* Anyway, back to it.

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Plan for revenge: Once aforementioned uncle has child or gets pet, I will make it my mission to hydrate said pet/child relentlessly. They will have water on top of water (or maybe Gatorade, because it has electrolytes). And he will know the agony he has wreaked first hand. He will know it well. The only way I can see this not working is if the pet is a frickin’ fish. He would get a fish, the jerk.

Empty Space for diabolical backup plan to be thought of at later date, below:


Person #2: Lady at stoplight who forgot to go.

I don’t like that thing that happens when you’re at a red light and it turns green, but the person in front of you doesn’t go. Then they finally realize they should go, and instead of stepping on the gas, they look in the rear view mirror to see if you noticed.

Yes! Yes, I noticed you didn’t go; stop looking at me. I know from our brief history together that you can’t multitask. Focus on the driving part of this equation. I’m sure trying to read my lips to figure out which swears I know is educational, but it isn’t helping our relationship.

Plan for revenge: Once aforementioned lady gets to her destination, I shall provide her with one certificate for a driving lesson with me. During this lesson, I will teacher her the difference between green and red. Additionally, I will do the whole lesson with no radio on. That is where the real torture ensues. Having to listen to our own thoughts.

I’m sure there are more people I could add at this time, but I’m going to keep it small for now. Revenge requires the utmost dedication and concentration.

Love always, Mandy