The rough life of the 3-year-old. He gets blamed for everything, which isn’t really fair. He is 3 and not truly responsible for, well, anything. Yet somehow, 90% of the time, he is the determining factor of whether something is a success or total failure.
Therefore, I believe I can respond to almost every question with “I have a 3-year-old.” I am not blaming him, but merely explaining that, well, he’s the reason for almost everything. Which is somehow different than blame. I don’t know quite how yet.
1. Why are you late? I have a 3-year-old.
2. Why is this wet? I have a 3-year-old.
3. Why are you crying? I have a 3-year-old.
4. Why is he crying? He’s a 3-year-old.
5. Why is this broken? I have a 3-year-old.
6. Why does it look like it was put back together with tape, glitter glue, and Q-tips? Oh, yeah. I have a 3-year-old.
7. Why can’t you come over? I have a 3-year-old.
8. How many glasses of wine have you had? Shut up. I have a 3-year-old.
9. What was that noise? The 3-year-old.
10. Why do you look like you’ve been run over by a truck hauling angry chickens? I have a 3-year-old.
11. Why is the toilet clogged? Sigh. I have a 3-year-old.
12…with a plastic Ninja Turtle? That was probably the 3-year-old.
13. Why is there butter on the stairs? I have a 3-year-old.
14. How are we out of bubble liquid? We just bought some yesterday. Because we have a 3-year-old.
15. Do you want to meet the baby? Probably not a good idea. I have a 3-year-old.
16. What is on the wall right there? Boogers. I have a 3-year-old.
17. Where are all the marker caps? Um, I have a 3-year-old.
18. What’s that smell? My 3-year-old.
19. Why aren’t you having any more kids? Have you met my 3-year-old?
20. Who makes you laugh and smile all day long? My 3-year-old.
This post was originally published on The 21st Century SAHM.