Valentines Day sort of sucks when you're married, have kids, are too tired to care or try on a fake, commercialized holiday. How about we order a pizza, pour a beer, and fall asleep watching Netflix and call it good?
Humor Sex and Relationships Tweets

15 Honest Tweets About Valentine’s Day: The Married Version

Valentines Day sort of sucks when you're married, have kids, are too tired to care or try on a fake, commercialized holiday. How about we order a pizza, pour a beer, and fall asleep watching Netflix and call it good?

Yay! It’s my favorite non-commercialized, totally meaningful, no-pressure holiday! Ha. KIDDING.

Do I really HATE Valentines Day? Actually no. Any excuse for a bottle of wine and some take-out sushi is a good excuse, in my book. But it really is one of those random, nonsensical holidays (and by holidays, I mean “holidays” in exaggerated air quotes) that just puts pressure on people to prove their love, when they probably already prove it year-round. Like Hey, I took out the trash last week, so…. am I good on the no-card / no-gift front? And, honestly, even if you did do it up fancy-chocolate / diamond necklace-style before having kids, you know that ship has sailed.

Truth be told, if you’re married with kids, you can probably relate to these funny people on Twitter, gourmet V-Day cooking and all.

Not murder = love. It says so in the dictionary.

Which of these options is hotter? Can’t tell. Both HAWT. Dude, if you use your tax return money to BUY the washer/dryer, she may spontaneously orgasm right there in Home Depot.

Everyone wins in this scenario.

SAME.

And now Mama’s gonna get herself that teeth whitening kit she’s had her eyes on. THAT’S LOVE.

I’m a low maintenance spouse.

We’re not, right? Not doing gifts, right? So no gifts, right? Are we doing gifts?

Any breakfast I don’t have to cook is romantic.

Yours and everyone else’s.

And use that same play for Mother’s Day too, mkay?

Because nothing kills the romance like two unexpected pink lines.

It’s in the cabinet. Like it ALWAYS IS. Sweetums.

A good marriage kills two birds with one stone.

Bargains ARE sexy.

It’s like nothing is good enough.

So there you have it. Romance isn’t dead after marriage and kids. It’s just… modified. You can still get down and dirty in that short window between the kids’ bedtime and you both falling asleep on the couch in a pile of Dorito crumbs, watching The Walking Dead. Just remember to put on your fancy sweats that night. You know, to show you care.