This post is sponsored by The Sleep Advisor
Pregnancy is a blessing, isn’t it? I, for one, never felt more beautiful and well-rested, especially in month nine. I did not miss seeing my feet. Grunting while trying to put on shoes just reminded me of how blissful it was going to be to push a human out of my body in just a few short weeks. And although those last weeks seemed like 11 million years, as nights meant a mere four hours of sleep interrupted by peeing several times, I didn’t mind. Not one bit. My favorite thing was rolling myself over like a beetle stuck on its back in order to hoist myself up to standing. Then I would penguin-waddle to the toilet while cursing my snoring husband’s name, knowing I’d be doing it all over again in an hour.
Joy. Pure joy.
Okay, in all honesty, pregnancy is a gift, a miracle, and it ends with a tiny person you’ve created. What can be better? Oh, I know. SLEEP. That’s what. Imagine if we could SLEEP, especially at the end, especially leading up to the marathon-of-ice-chip-eating-while-our-spouses-get-bacon-cheeseburgers that is labor and delivery.
If you don’t know whether you’re getting enough rest or not, consider these scenarios. If they sound familiar to you, you are overly sleep-deprived, Mama, and you need to invest in a good pregnancy pillow stat!
*These examples are in no way based on real-life experience.
**That’s a lie. These are all based on stories of actual pregnant women, but not me.
***That’s a lie, too. I did most of these things.
13 Signs You’re A Pregnant Mom Who Needs More Sleep
1. Everyone is terrified of you.
You attempt to leave the house in mis-matched shoes, and when your spouse gently notifies you, you throw the left one at his face. After a coworker jokingly asks, “How many are in there?” while pointing at your protruding belly, you eat the last of his scone on your lunch break.
2. You’re so exhausted that you contemplate NOT getting up to pee for the 11th time and just rolling the dice.
What’s the worst that could happen? you think to yourself in the middle of the night.
3. You pick up the wrong kids at daycare.
You’re driving home and see an adorable brown-haired boy in the rearview mirror. He’s cute, you think. Only you have girls. Who are blonde.
4. You forget to pick up your kids altogether.
You sat down and closed your eyes for 10 minutes and bam! It’s 4:00. The school calls and asks where you are. You then take the kids for obligatory ice cream to apologize and order an entire ice cream cake. For yourself.
5. You forget essential information as you are filling out paperwork.
How old am I? When is my son’s birthday? You stand there, holding the pen in midair. You have absolutely no clue what your zip code is and have to check your license.
6. You get dressed for work, do your hair and makeup, squeeze into the one maternity dress that still fits, and leave the house in slippers.
7. You wish the plague on the UPS delivery driver who says, “Not much longer! Hang in there!” with a chuckle.
8. Your spouse has willingly banished himself to the guest room, kids’ beds, or couch, so as to not suffer your middle of the night wrath.
You find him downstairs, curled up with a My Little Pony blanket, snoring away, so you could have the bed to yourself.
9. You stumble into the kitchen at 6 a.m. and pour orange juice into your coffee instead of creamer.
And then you sob hysterically about it.
10. You tell your toddler he can watch 3.5 continuous hours of Paw Patrol and eat a bowl of marshmallows, hoping maybe he won’t talk to you or need you and maybe you can close your eyes for just a second and…nope.
He just peed on the couch.
11. You fall asleep covered in chips and brownie crumbs, remote in hand, trying to watch TV past 9 p.m.
12. People ask you if you’re “feeling well” if you don’t hide the bags under your eyes with 1/2 pound of concealer.
13. And my all-time favorite: Despite your unbearable exhaustion, you’re wide awake at 3 a.m., tossing and turning, unable to get comfortable or turn your brain off.
Did you order bedding for the nursery? Do you like Jack or James better for names? Hmmm. I think Jack. Oh, look. It’s 4 a.m. now. Can’t wait to get up in two hours. (Maybe you if you had the Holy Grail of pregnancy pillows, you’d be comfy and able to finally doze off.)
Sound familiar? Well, The Sleep Advisor wants to help our poor, swollen, exhausted selves. They say it’s crucial that an expectant mother finds a great pregnancy pillow, so they’ve ranked the top 7 brands. These are curved and contoured to fit your body and can be filled with memory foam, down, or down alternative. Maybe if I had one of these babies back then, I would have resembled a human life form instead of a zombie crying in her cold coffee.
Seriously, if you’re pregnant (or even if you aren’t and just want a giant snuggle pillow), check out these reviews from The Sleep Advisor. You really won’t sleep again for years after baby comes. That’s just the cold, hard truth.
So treat yourself. Spend the money to invest in a good pregnancy pillow. Little Johnny can wear hand-me-downs once he’s born. Mama needs some sleep!