Okay Mother Nature, we get it. You're badass. Can you have a drink and calm the fuck down now, please?
Humor Tweets

13 Hilarious Tweets About WTF Is Happening This Winter

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Okay Mother Nature, we get it. You're badass. Can you have a drink and calm the fuck down now, please?

For those of us who live in states with 4 seasons, we know winter arrives every December. We expect snow. We expect ice. We dig out our gloves and hats and snow boots and hatch our hibernation plans. But yet, every year, we are blindsided.

It’s one of those tricks we play on ourselves—like forgetting how hard labor is, or what it’s like to raise a 2-year-old, so we get knocked up again. Every November we ring in the fall and winter with our pumpkin spice lattes and pretty scarves and say silly things like, “Yay! Cooler temps are here! Can’t wait to make snowmen and drag out the sleds!” Ha. Because we are STUPID.

That recent cold snap that sucked in pretty much the entire country was… intense. “Cold snap” my ass. More like evil polar vortex of ice wind that lasted for a week. And my family celebrated much of it in the car due to our annual holiday road trip(s). Yes, plural. Our time on the open road, however, was made more fun by a game we called “watch the temperature drop.”

Ack! We lost another! It’s 3 degrees now!

There goes one more more! Down to 2!

Woohoo! Gained one! Back up to 3!

Aaaaaand lost it again.

By the time we pulled into our driveway, it was -4 degrees and our tires had frozen ice on them. Even though we had just driven 700 miles. WHUT.

And then Mother Nature was like, “Hahahaha did you think I was done? It’s only January, bitch. Here’s a BOMB CYCLONE for you.” What in the holy hell is a bomb cyclone?! How do those two words go together ever?

However, we can all find comfort in knowing we are not alone, as people around the country are suffering similar fates of frigid, tire-freezing temperatures and the wrath of Storm Grayson. And, of course, they turn to the bar where everyone knows their name (a.k.a. Twitter) to talk about it. Here are some of the funnies we found:

 

So there you have it. We are all stuck dealing with Mother Nature’s 3-month long PMS-ing wrath, apparently, unless you live in California or something. And if you do, you just SHUSH for a while, mkay?

Stay warm and stay safe, friends. I’m hunkered down under a heating blanket for the foreseeable future. Thank God for Twitter.