OK. I’m a little late to this party called Pitch Perfect. I know we have moved on to number two, but I just finished number one, and I kind of love it.
If you are anything like me, you like to save some favorite quotes in your repertoire to whip out at the correct times, and Pitch Perfect quotes are no exception. Here are 12 Pitch Perfect quotes that are perfect for real life:
1) “Even though some of you are pretty thin, you all have fat hearts, and that’s what matters.”
Best time to use this: At your Weight Watchers meeting. Trust me.
2) “Well… sometimes I have the feeling I can do crystal meth, but then I think, mmm…better not.”
Best time to use this: When the officiant says, “Now you may kiss the bride.” You need to set the tone for marriage from the moment it starts.
3) “Chloe, don’t worry, it’s just God punishing you ‘cause you’re a ginger.”
Best time to use this: Any time your red-headed friend talks about something. If she’s anything like my red-headed friends, she’ll laugh. If she isn’t, you really need to look for new gingers to be around. You don’t need that kind of negativity in your life.
4) “If I could sing a lick, I would. But I can’t. And I hate myself everyday because of it.”
Best time to use this: Right before a karaoke competition. Wrestle the mic away from your friend who can really sing and mention this. Drop the mic and walk away like Kanye.
5) “A capella with sock puppets? Genuis.”
Best time to use this: When someone says, “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”
6) “Chloe, your voice didn’t sound Aguilerian at all!”
Best time to use this: After a phone conference at work. Let your boss know if the “high notes” were not reached.
7) “Well, at least it’s not herpes. Or do you have that as well?”
Best time to use this: When your coworker or friend is telling you about being sick. Here is the key — do not use this (I repeat, DO NOT use this) if they have cancer. That is crossing the line. Unless your friend has a really dark sense of humor. Wait, no. Even then, don’t.
8) “You girls are awesome … ly horrible. I hate you. Kill yourselves. Girl power! Sisters before misters!”
Best time to use this: When you are having a dance off with nuns. That is the only time. Even then, know that God hears everything.
9) “Not a good enough reason to use the word ‘penetrate.’”
Best time to use this: Any time someone use the word “penetrate” or something that sounds like “penetrate.” Also, if someone were to say the word “moist.” That’s interchangeable. Fat Amy would agree with me on that.
10) “Yeah, I did! And yet, maybe I didn’t, because I got hit by flying Mexican food.”
Best time to use this: During any argument that you are losing. Say with conviction.
11) “Chloe, could you please get your head out of your ass? It’s not a hat.”
Best time to use this: If you have a friend named Chloe, you should be using this every time she speaks. I don’t know any humans named Chloe, so I will have to go to my aunt’s house and talk to her dog. I will say, “Speak, Chloe.” Then when she does, I will say this to her. She will not get it, but I will laugh hysterically and then scratch her ears.
12) “What are you turd burgers talking about? Dressing for comfort?”
Best time use this: I would say when you come upon any new people you want to make your friends. Also, a nice one for greeting the bride on her big day. Works for when you are chaperoning your children’s prom as well. Lets the kids know you are hip. This one really is versatile.
Any favorites that I missed?