By Kathleen Sullivan of Three Kids, One Husband, and a Bottle of Wine

Yay! The baby is here! You cannot wait to show her off to your awesome circle of girlfriends (provided they wash their hands, of course.)

Visits can be fun, but they can also be overwhelming. It doesn’t help that you may be physically and emotionally drained, too. Oh, and about your friends. You love them, but they drive you just a little bit cray cray.

The following is a list of some of the types of visitors to expect:

1. The Know It All

This friend is awesome! You know this because she cannot stop telling you so. By the way, the diaper cream you are using is poison. And you’re holding the baby totally wrong. What? You were only planning to breastfeed for a year?  This chick made it happen for five years. Did I mention that she has ten kids already? All turned out perfectly, natch.

2. The Overly Emotional One

Some tears are to be expected when dealing with a newborn. Even the most hardened of us cannot help but to get choked up at the sight of this precious angel.

However, this woman takes “emotional” to a whole new level. She just cannot stop the crying. In fact, she is wailing even louder than your hungry baby. Eventually, you do the most sensible thing and throw her the hell out. You already have one child to worry about.

3. The One That Won’t Stay Long

She makes sure to tell you as soon as you open the door, just in case there is any confusion. She’s happy for you but has enough babies of her own, thank you very much. She proceeds to run out after roughly four minutes, all the while praying that childbirth is not contagious.

4. The Jealous One

Yup, you can see it in her eyes. She’s thrilled for you but desperately wants one of those, too. She wishes her own kids were that tiny again. Is she really done? As you give her a hug goodbye, you mentally place bets on how long it will be until she is knocked up again.

5. The Nervous One

By the end of her visit, this woman will have you convinced that there are a million things wrong with the poor kid. She is the one who will inform you that the baby looks a little jaundiced. She has no problem inspecting the baby’s room to make sure all products are up to date.  She once heard about a baby who managed to climb out of his crib at only three weeks. They are never too young to start getting in trouble! Furthermore, why is the baby so small? Aren’t you feeding the kid? You cannot wait until this “friend” leaves so you can have a drink (or ten).

6. The Overbearing One

God bless her. She sure is trying to be helpful.  The only problem is you trip over her with every step you take. She wants to help change the baby. She wants to help you burp the baby. Why stop there? While she’s at it, she wants to burp you, too. It is just too much. You eventually feign a headache and show her the door.

7. The Mom’s Mom

This woman is so nurturing and comforting that you want her to help raise all of your kids.

“Everything is going to be okay,” she says while you cry as a result of sleep deprivation.

“You’re doing great,” she assures you as you struggle to nurse the baby.

She even wants you to take a nap for the next ten hours because you need the rest.

She will take more than good care of the baby. You trust her, as she already has twenty kids of her own.

8. The Helpful One

This one may be your favorite of all. She knows the exact time to leave a home cooked meal on your porch so as not to disturb the rest of the family. She always listens without judgment. She really knows her stuff and always gives you the most amazing tips. 

Yes, the helpful one is a perfect match.

Did I also mention she always brings wine? This one can stay forever. Or, at the very least, until you run out of alcohol.

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About the Author

Kathleen Sullivan is a freelance writer and a full-time mom. Her work has been published on Sammiches and Psych Meds, The Huffington Post, Scary Mommy, Brain, Child, Magazine, Mamalode, ParentCo. and Your Tango. Kathleen is also the creator of the blog Three Kids, One Husband, and a Bottle of Wine.