My husband has many amazing qualities, but the one I find myself appreciating more and more lately is that he did not vote for Donald Trump. We share many of the same values, which include not being racist, xenophobic, homophobic, or sexist. I’m so glad I found him back in those good old days when I was blissfully ignorant about how uncommon those qualities apparently are. I really don’t know how I’d deal with being married to a Trump supporter and being obligated to listen to political views that made me want to pull a double van Gogh and chop both my ears off.
I also can’t imagine being single today and trying to find someone to be terrified about the world with. On which date would you ask your partner if they’d ever used the words “libtard” or “cuck” non-ironically? Do you have to check their browser history for visits to Breitbart? When do you assess whether they actually believe Hillary Clinton runs a child sex ring out of a pizza place?
Now, I know not all Trump supporters fall on the far right side of the batshit crazy spectrum, but apparently enough of them do that dating websites are helping them find each other. According to NPR, TrumpSingles.com has more than 35,000 members. And OF COURSE its slogan is “Making Dating Great Again!” It’s pretty terrifying to me that so many people feel so strongly about their love of Trump that it’s a prime factor in finding a mate for them. That seems more than a little cult-y to me.
On the flip side, NPR also says that a site called LiberalHearts.com is growing at a good clip, too. A quote from its founder describes it as “a Trump-free zone where liberal singles can unite and multiply.” I imagine a date with someone you meet on this site would involve a nice vegan, gluten-free meal followed by organic fair-trade coffee, or perhaps a romantic stroll at a protest against authoritarianism.
My favorite website, however, is the soon-to-come MapleMatch.com, which helps U.S. citizens find a Canadian willing to save them from Trump’s America. Now, as I said, I’m quite happily married…but with Trump inching a little closer to full-on dictator mode every day, it could be really useful to have a connection on the other side of the border.
With that in mind, I started thinking about what my profile on this site would be like:
Me: Witty, intelligent female with a bit of baggage (namely, a husband and child) seeking strictly platonic companionship with legal Canadian resident. Willing to root for the hockey team of your choice, make daily Tim Horton’s runs, and get really into Olympic curling. Will never make you apologize for Justin Bieber or Nickelback or make fun of the way you say “about.” Will wash and iron all your Canadian tuxedos as needed.
You: Basically just be a Canadian, ideally with a minimum of two spare bedrooms. Major plus if you can introduce me to Justin Trudeau.
Not sure how many hits my profile would get, but a girl can dream, right?