By Sally Miller
Ever find yourself with enough free time and disposable income to relax at a day spa? No? Well, me neither, actually. But what if I told your car was actually a Mobile Self-Care Spa for Mothers™? Check out your amenities:
The Sauna
Turn on the heat, roll up the windows, and treat yourself to a sauna. Release all the toxins from your thankless job, the insurmountable invisible work, and the rage you feel after reading GOOP, but also kind of wanting to BE Gwyneth Paltrow.
Yoga
Move your seat forward until you are pressed against the wheel. Twist your legs so they are on top of the steering wheel. You are now doing hot yoga. Hold this pose. You may not feel better but you can tell everyone you did yoga today and no one will question the legitimacy of your pants.
Beauty
While sweat drips between the back of your knees, and your legs are contorted in “steering wheel” pose, practice self-care by painting your toes with your daughter’s purple “unicorn snot” nail polish she got at Claire’s.
Nutrition
Your body is a temple. Enjoy a nourishing snack of ancient grains by reaching into the crevices of your toddler’s car seat for ancient (leftover) grains (goldfish crackers). Yum! (?)
Soothing Tea
Do you have on a beige, cable-knit sweater? Can you pull up the sleeves to cup around a warm mug of tea? Probably not. Does anyone do that other than Danish people practicing hygge? Instead, find whatever odd kid sock you can to cover the half-filled, plastic water bottle that rolled under a car seat. Now you can pretend it’s a beautiful ceramic mug you made in a ceramics class. The water is lukewarm from being in the car for days. Imagine it is as soothing warm tea and the fruit roll-up at the bottom as a slice of organic lemon.
Power Nap
Move your head into a contorted, neck-cramp-inducing position on your seatbelt strap. Fall into instant slumber. Awake to the loud constant beeps of those behind you in the carpool line and the stark realization that, Jesus Christ, you just fell asleep at the wheel!
Treats
Everyone knows that there are proven health benefits of dark chocolate. But who cares? Eat some milk chocolate because it tastes better and cry before starting your “second shift.” You’re so tired. We know. That’s why you have a Mobile Self-Care Spa.
Reconnect with Friends
Reconnecting is an important part of self-care and a good way to recharge. Call another busy mother and try to chat as she says, “Sure I’m listening, go on,” while simultaneously shouting, “I’m on the phone! Can’t your dad help you?!”
Mindfulness
The gift of mindfulness is that it can be done anywhere. Close your eyes. Focus on letting your thoughts pass you by. And, oh look at that! You’re asleep again.
*****
About the Author
Sally Miller is a librarian by day, writer on her lunch break, and mother every single waking moment. She has written for McSweeney’s, the Belladonna, Points in Case and others.