By Kristina Johnson

You know how sometimes you see an old picture of yourself and you’re like, “My God, I looked amazing! I was so skinny!” But at the same time, you know that when the picture was taken, you thought you were sooo fat? And you just want to go back to that moment and slap yourself for not appreciating the way you looked? That is exactly how I feel about my pre-baby body.

I think the thing I miss the most is having a non-sagging chest. As a large-busted lady, I knew gravity was going to catch up to me sooner or later, but pregnancy really expedited the process. Whereas I once rocked two perky, orange-sized breasts, now I’ve got one large melon and one even larger melon (thanks, breastfeeding). I’m hoping that some day they’ll return to the same size, but I don’t think they’ll ever point north again.

Have you ever tried to pop open a can of refrigerated biscuits? But you don’t twist hard enough and the dough starts oozing out of the busted seam? That is what my poor C-sectioned stomach reminds me of. The mental picture I just painted makes me both sad and hungry. If I dress carefully, I can mask my lingering baby belly just enough to no longer look pregnant.

And ugh, my hair. There are clumps of it blowing around my apartment like tumbleweed because it’s all falling out. I should have gotten more blow-outs when I had that gorgeous, thick pregnant lady hair. Going to the salon now isn’t as fun because the stylists get a little freaked out about how much hair comes loose. I think they think I’m ill.

It’s not all bad news, though. I did manage to make it through all 9 months of pregnancy without a single stretch mark. I’m choosing to hold on to that small victory and ignore the fact that my tiger stripes somehow surfaced weeks AFTER I gave birth (I don’t know what I did to deserve that head fake). I also miraculously dropped 95% of the pregnancy weight within a couple of weeks of having my baby. Even so, my old clothes still don’t fit. The weight seems to have redistributed itself in ways that defy my understanding of anatomy. But at least it gave me a great excuse to buy a whole new wardrobe.

Despite all of the self-deprecating things I’ve said above, I really am proud of my post-baby body. When I look in the mirror, it’s impossible to ignore all the changes and flaws. But I try to see them for what they really are — evidence of the amazing and grueling journey I went through to have my beautiful daughter.

So I’m trying to appreciate the body I have now, the way I didn’t appreciate the body I had before. Because I know that eventually, baby number 2 is going to come along and wreak even more havoc. And when that day comes, I’m sure I’ll be looking back at pictures of me taken now, thinking to myself, “My God, I looked amazing!”

*****

About the Author

Kristina Johnson is a new mom, writer, and former TV producer living in New York City. She loves her daughter deeply but can admit that she wouldn’t mind if babies came with an off-switch. Her interests include books, Netflix, and coming up with snarky responses to people who ask when she’s having baby #2. She blogs regularly at thatmommylady.com.