This just in: it has been confirmed by a doctor that it’s dangerous to put a wasp nest in your vagina. In related news, don’t put broken shards of glass, porcupine quills, or jagged scraps of metal in there either.
Gynecologist Jen Gunter is warning women against trying the latest WTF beauty trend that suggests putting ground wasp nests in your pretty kitty will tighten and rejuvenate it.
Some online retailers are selling oak galls, which are nests that house wasp eggs before they hatch. The unorthodox vagina repair kit is created by grinding the nests into a paste that you then apply to your beaten beaver to give it that just-washed shine.
It is suggested that this topical paste will not only clean and rejuvenate your baby biscuit, but it can actually improve a woman’s sex life. Some advertisers go so far as to suggest the paste will help “heal episiotomy cuts, rejuvenate the uterine wall and clean out the vagina” after childbirth.
As a mother, I understand the hardships suffered by a vagina over the years, but unless Channing Tatum is going to show up and apply this wasp concoction for me, it ain’t happenin’. I like a good beauty trend just as much as the next lady—I mean, I tight-rolled my jeans and even got a perm one time–but I’m going to draw the line at putting a wasp nest anywhere near my lady-land.
Seriously, why are we even having this conversation? I have to assume that the creator of this doesn’t actually have a vagina, because this is the dumbest shit I have ever heard.
Warnings related to the product note that it could “burn” when applied. Dr. Gunter offers those considering this trend some sage advice: “Here’s a pro-tip, if something burns when you apply it to the vagina, it is generally bad for the vagina.”
She also writes on her blog that the product uses “drying agents” to tighten the vagina, and “drying the vaginal mucosa increases the risk of abrasions during sex (not good) and destroys the protective mucous layer (not good).”
So, next time you think your precious peach could use a little lift, try a few Kegels and leave Satan’s butterflies out in the yard and away from your vagina.