Why I Wish Skylanders Would Burn in Hell
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Why I Wish Skylanders Would Burn in Hell

Why I Wish Skylanders Would Burn in Hell
Photo Credit: the1stmoyatia.deviantart.com
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By Holley of Chasing Destino

For those of you who have not been blessed with children who are addicted to Skylanders, let me provide a brief description of what they are so that you can avoid them at all costs.

FAIR WARNING: It will be difficult because the graphics and marketing of the Skylanders make it tempting to buy them all. Don’t do it. These little toys look harmless, but they may drive you over the edge.

Skylanders are basically good guys who are defending their planet, Skylands, from bad guys like Chaos and Dreamcatcher. The player tries to defeat each villain so they can gain a level.

My favorite villain is Pain Yatta. It looks like a pinata. Seriously. It’s one of the saving graces that this game has – interesting villains.

The player places the Skylander figure of their choice on the portal. There are pirates, dragons, sharks and so on. There is an actual 3-D device that the figures stand on, until one of the kids switches it out while no one is looking.

Oh, wait. The bait and switch is not part of the game. It’s just what my kids do to annoy everyone.

My patience with these Skylanders is at an all-time low. They can’t carry a tune, there is one section of the game where the player has the characters play in a band in order to earn coins, and it seems like this section never ends.

I have had to leave the room so that I can maintain a bit of sanity.

I’m pretty sure the Skylanders only know one or two songs. I have one of their songs stuck in my head right now, and it’s awful. It’s not the same as when “The Boys are Back in Town” gets played over and over in my brain. It’s so much worse.

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Little Sister #1 and Little Sister #2 are completely addicted to this game. Little Sister #1 is always concerned that the game won’t save her progress or money. She has a point. It saves most things but not always everything. I’m pretty sure she would stay up for several days straight just to save the progress of the game.

They do try to play it from the moment their eyes open until they can’t keep their eyes open anymore. It takes a major effort to get them to turn the game off so they will eat and socialize with other people.

And the fighting. They fight constantly about who goes first and which Skylander to use. It’s exhausting to be in the same room with all of them.  There’s one character called Food Fight who looks like broccoli.

Even in video games, no one chooses broccoli.

Occasionally, they have to take a potty break. It’s never a long enough break for me to hide the game or accidentally drop those little Skylander jerks in the driveway under my tire.

But there’s always a next time. Maybe next time . . .


About Holley

Mom of 3 chicks who love superheroes and video games. Writer of all things rock and roll, Wonder Woman and bucket lists.Survivor of domestic abuse and severe depression. These days, you can find me at a concert or just dancing around my house. If I’m not there, try all of the following places! Life is good, right?!