By Megan Loden
If you are fortunate enough to have children who ride the bus, walk to school or have someone else who does drop off and pick up at school, I’m super jelly and we can never be friends. But I secretly worship you. Many of us parents absolutely despise drop off and/or pick up. It is the most stressful part of the day. If you’re like me, you have seen both sides of the car line spectrum and everything in between. The thing with school parking lots is that the highs are really high and the lows are so infuriatingly low. I’ve seen many different types of parents over the years, but these are the ones that stand out the most.
#1- The Rule Follower
This is the parent who always shows up at the specified time, sits in the specified spot and will NEVER cross the solid line. This parent routinely teaches their first grader new curse words while muttering the school rules to herself. This mom will sit in line, fuming for well over 30 minutes without even considering cutting the line. She has already resigned herself to the fact that she will now spend more than an hour a day at school in bumper-to-bumper traffic.
#2- The Rules Don’t Apply To Me
This mom thinks the rules are great. They’re needed and they keep things running smoothly. She will agree when others complain about rule breakers. But the rules don’t apply to her. She tends to think that as long as everyone else follows the rules, she doesn’t have to. As long as no one else shows up 10 minutes late, parks in the street, runs to the gate, and flips a bitch in the middle of traffic, it’ll be just fine. And to hell with all the schmucks stuck waiting in line for their children. They would understand if they had only 25 minutes to get in and get their kids to practice, too.
#3- The Oblivious Driver
What do you mean the sign says ‘no parking’ and it’s been there all year? Wait, you mean to tell me I’m NOT allowed to cut the car line and double park to get my kid and get out of here faster?! Huh…….And I thought all these parents waiting in the line that is clearly backed up for almost a 1/2 a mile was for parents with nothing better to do on a Tuesday at 2.45pm.
#4- The Rationalizer
So yeah, I’m supposed to follow the rules. The signs clearly say to ‘remain in vehicle at all times.’ But my little Susie can’t buckle herself in the seat so I have to get out and help her. And no, I can’t park because it takes way too long. We only hold up the line for an extra 2 1/2 minutes so it doesn’t even matter. Or, my kid’s bag is way too heavy for them to carry if I pull all the way up like we have been asked to do 412 times this year. It’s only 3 car lengths and 6 minutes. Calm down, people. It’s not like it really matters.
And last but not least…..
#5- The Lollygaggers
This is often not just the parent, but the whole freaking family. The rest of us are usually left to wonder how much stuff this child must have, or if they are actually getting dressed in the back of the car. The car has been in park for over 3 minutes with no movement from the back door. Then, the parent gets out of the car and the dramatic goodbye begins. What are you doing, sending your 8 year old off to war? Tuck and roll, kid!
The moral of the story here is that if you’re a 2-5 parent, don’t be. Get your head out of your ass and be better. Set a better example for your kids and be less of a burden to the fellow parents in the car line. If you fall into the first category, good for you. Just don’t expect anyone else to give a shit.
About the Author
Megan Loden is a stay at home mom living with her husband and 3 children in a suburb of Phoenix Arizona. She is often writing, reading, or watching trashy tv on Bravo. Her writing can be found on Twiniversity.com and Bluntmoms.com. Find her on Facebook or follow her on Instagram.