We’ve all got ’em, ladies. Myriad panties lining our drawers and laundry baskets, each one a symbol of a particular period in our lives, each one a reflection of our moods the day we scan the contents of our dressers and decide this pair will definitely do.
Wondering what your underwear choices say about you? Read on.
Period Panties
The message is clear with this selection: Don’t mess with me. I’m either battling my monthly tsunami of raging hormones and despair, or I am all out of fucks to give this week. Don’t get between me and that tube of cookie dough in the refrigerator. I will definitely take you out, if not gnaw your arm off to get to it.
Maternity Undies
I’m all about comfort today, people. I may be rocking skinny jeans on the outside, but on the inside I’m basking in the glory of the expandable waistline and easy-comfort fit. No, I’m not pregnant (unless a food baby counts). But I used to be. And these bitches are my new besties. #MotherhoodMaternity4Lyfe
Skimpy Thong
Hot Mama coming through! I’m bringing sexy back in the way only a MILF can. These aren’t standard whitey tighties under my Mom Jeans. These suckers are made of silk and lace — the kind that’d make a strip club full of sailors blush. Move aside, Kim K. This juicy booty’s screaming KA-POW!
Boyfriend Briefs
I’m feeling sporty this fine day and channeling my inner Serena and Venus Williams. I haven’t decided whether I’m going to hit the gym after the hubs gets home or kick box my way through the cereal aisle at Wal-Mart, but one thing’s for certain: I’m a cardio-crunching, stair-step-slaying Super Mom. Mess with my kids, and I just might unleash a whole lotta Laila Ali on your ass.
[/nextpage] [nextpage title=”Page 2″ ]Granny Panties
I’m not sixteen anymore, nor do I want to be. Butt flossing just isn’t my jam today (or any day, for that matter). My lady bits need to breathe, and that full-coverage, cotton coochie cradle is just the thing they crave. That or I desperately need something to prevent people from seeing through the holes in my yoga pants. Step aside, G-string. This is a job for Hanes Her Way.
Sheer and Shameless
Sure, I may have popped out a kid or three, but that doesn’t mean my privates aren’t up for a little peek-a-boo. Next to wearing nothing at all, there is very little as scintillating as a pair of see-through draws, especially when they’re on a strong and confident mom. And baby, look out, ’cause this mom is hot to trot.
Inside-Out Underthings
Shit. It’s laundry day. Or was that yesterday? Ahh, screw it. I’ve always fancied myself a trend setter anyway.
Give it up, gals. What other underwear choices are determined by your mood?
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