I’ve come to the conclusion that my kids have no clue what it means to share when it comes to toys, food, and other items, and it’s driving me out of my friggin mind.  I’ve also come to the conclusion that it’s not just my kids, either. I think there are a lot of other kids and even adults — yes, adults! — who need a refresher on what it means to share.

In an attempt to make the distinction clearer, I present this list of descriptors for what sharing IS and IS NOT.

Sharing IS offering a toy or other item to another person to play with or use when one is finished playing with or using it oneself.

Sharing IS NOT hoarding all the toys or items in the room in case one decides s/he might want to play with or use them later.

Sharing IS being conscious of how long one has been playing with or using a toy or other item and being courteous enough to allow others a chance with the toy or item.

Sharing IS NOT throwing common courtesy to the wind and refusing to give others a chance with a toy or item for hours and hours and hours on end.

Sharing IS waiting until another child is finished playing with or using an item before grabbing that item to play with or use oneself.

Sharing IS NOT deciding one wants to play with or use something right this instant and yanking it out of another person’s hands or tattling that the other person isn’t sharing simply because the other person isn’t forking over the toy or item at one’s behest.

Sharing IS giving the owner of a toy or item first dibs on playing with or using it and patiently waiting one’s turn, especially if the toy or item is precious to the owner (think a cuddle toy or comfort blanket).

Sharing IS NOT taking command of everything in a room without regard for its sentimental value to others and refusing to give it back to its owner until one is good and ready.

Sharing IS using a special toy or item in the exact manner advised by a parent or adult figure, even if that means not allowing or only allowing certain others to use the toy or item as specified by the adult (think toys only appropriate for kids of a certain age, including crawling toys for babies or slingshots/BB guns for older children).

Sharing IS NOT demanding one gets a turn with a special toy or item despite the rules and regulations set forth by a parent or adult figure, especially if the toy or item is not age-appropriate.

Sharing IS spreading out use of public toys or items (think playground equipment or sand toys) equally among those present.

Sharing IS NOT taking command of public toys or items and/or assuming ownership of them by either stockpiling them for one’s singular use or by not allowing other children present to climb on/use them.

Sharing IS understanding that one may not get to play with or use an item right away or at all, especially if that item belongs to someone else and/or is very special to him or her; that some toys or items are not age-appropriate for one to play with; that one has to wait one’s turn to play with or use something, especially if the toy or item belongs to somebody else or if somebody else is using it; that one should be cognizant of how long one has been playing with or using a toy or item and should be courteous enough to allow others to play with or use it if the rules governing its use allow for that; that public toys and items are not for a single person’s use, but rather must be made available to everyone within a reasonable amount of time.

Sharing IS NOT operating under the misguided principle that fair always means equal, because fair does NOT, in fact, always mean equal.  Sometimes there are circumstances where fair does not always mean equal for everyone, and it is in those circumstances that adults have the responsibility of mediating appropriately.

What else would you add to the list of things sharing IS and IS NOT?