By MB Sanok of Maple Brown Sugar
During springtime, our lives are packed with our kids’ activities and my husband’s involvement with our son’s lacrosse team. Originally, I encouraged him to volunteer because he fell in love with lacrosse, and we’d never met a friendlier group of people.
At these activities, my husband usually stands by himself, looking taciturn and somewhat mean. When I first observed him at a game, he was standing with a group of people, cracking jokes and gesturing wildly like he was with good friends. Was this man REALLY my husband or an imposter? Now he maintains the team and league websites, assistant coaches, attends team and league meetings and texts back and forth with other coaches like a teenage girl gossiping about clothes and boys.
I admit it’s my fault he started volunteering, but despite the typical frustration you discover in any group dynamic, he enjoys the job. However, since he’s out at night and on weekends, all in the name of lacrosse, I feel like a single wife.
Before all the single ladies ream me out for comparing my modest abandonment issues to real, serious ones, please note that I was raised very handily by a widow. Although I cannot claim firsthand knowledge of widowhood, I observed how she made decisions solo, successfully took care of business and influenced my independence. Being a widow isn’t easy, but even when you’re happily married, sometimes you feel like one. So what kind of single wife are you?
Single Sports Wife?
Right now, I’m pre-empted for lacrosse. If your husband coaches a sport, you share my loss. Maybe you’re married to men who cannot miss their favorite team/sport, who participate in Fantasy whatever or who hold season tickets to sporting events. What about guys reliving their glory days by tossing the pigskin around or shooting hoops? Did you end up with a gym rat? As long as your life savings don’t disappear on sports betting, you’re safe.
Single Gardening/DIY Wife?
God bless the guy who gardens – your lawn appears green and manicured, neighbors envy and emulate your landscaping, and the flowers always bloom. If you gained a DIY guy as a mate, your house may be state-of-the-art or in a constant state of disarray depending on his commitment. You want a nice house, but a nice husband works, too.
Single Work Wife?
Many men work hard to get where they are, but are they working too hard? Maybe your husband has a demanding job or his workload increased due to downsizing like my hubby’s. Maybe the man simply loves his career. Even if he’s home sitting right next to you, if he’s negotiating a deal and/or tending to backed up paperwork, he’s still working – but not on you.
Single “Goes Out With the Guys” Wife?
Does your husband hang around with a group of guys from childhood, college or other dads he’s met through you or your kids? If you’re party (or poker) central, you can peek in on your guy, but on the flip side he’s drinking his beer somewhere else. As long as there’s no someone else sending beers his way, bring on the margaritas and host your own Girls’ Night!
Single Electronics Wife?
Before he pledged allegiance to lacrosse, the computer was my husband’s other woman. Not only does he still poke the embers of this eternal flame, i.e., tinker with the hard drive and motherboard, he forever fiddles with his phone, too. Maybe your spouse needs the latest and greatest iPhone when it debuts or drools when he’s at Best Buy. Luckily, you can call upon your very own tech guy at home; or, if you’re unlucky, your self-proclaimed technologically savvy husband just erased a whole folder of your kids’ photos.
Single Boat/Car/Motorcycle Wife?
Yeah, he named the boat after you, he takes you on joy rides in his souped-up Mustang, but what’s he daydreaming about when he’s polishing the fender of his classic car or scraping barnacles from the underside of the sloop? Probably about what he could buy to upgrade his vehicle or when he can test drive (for fun, he claims) a luxury sports car that costs about the same as college for every kid you have!
Single Hobby Wife?
What is it with guys and hobbies? Hunting (animal and ghost), model building, cooking (hey, takes the pressure off me!), photography, playing in a band, video games, movies, sci-fi/comedy/horror, etc. Do you ever wonder if they take up these hobbies just to get away from us?!
Single Husband Whose Wife is Always Out?
Let’s not leave out the guys! A while ago, I actively participated in a moms’ group where we celebrated at Moms’ Night Outs and bonded at kids’ playgroups, which somehow morphed into coffee klatches. Then my friend broke up with her husband, and we gave in to a second wind of barhopping. Are you that man who’s left behind while your social butterfly is away?
Whichever kind of single wife (or husband) you are, the struggle is real.
************
About the Author
M.B. Sanok is a freelance writer and stay-at-home mom in Southern New Jersey. In her spare time, she volunteers for the International MOMS Club. Her writing has appeared in both local and national publications and websites including BlogHer and her personal blog Maple Brown Sugar. Find her on Facebook and Twitter.