Trump Says He’ll Seek Re-Election. Here Are Some Sequels We’d Rather See Than a Second Trump Term

By MockMom Contributors

Since he’s a quintessential narcissist, it’s no surprise that Donald Trump has announced he’ll seek re-election. And, aside from a few die-hard Fox News enthusiasts, the world is groaning in unison, “AW, HELL NO!”

We don’t want four more years of Trump. We’d rather have a pulsating cold sore pop up the day of our family photo shoot. We’d rather listen to a recorder-only Nickelback cover band. We’d rather get stuck on the treadmill next to the stinky armpit lady at the gym.

Have I made myself clear? We do not want a Trump sequel. In fact, here is a list of horrible sequels we’d rather see than a second Trump term:

More Muthaf*ckin Snakes On This Muthaf*ckin Plane

Face-Off 2: They Switch Back

Star Wars Origins: The Jar Jar Binks Story

Die Hard 5: Killing off Bruce Willis is Impossible

Literally Whatever “Pirates of the Caribbean” They’re on Now

Grown-Ups 3: Adam Sandler Needs Money

Daredevil 2: Even Ben Affleck is Embarrassed of This

Left Behind 2: We Forgot a Few Folks

I Know What You Did 10 Summers Ago

Showgirls 2: This Time Lisa Turtle Gets Freaky

Showguys: Screech’s Turn

From Justin to Kelly, Then Back to Justin Again

Taken 4: Someone Finally Called CPS

You Got Served: A Second Helping

Spice World: Now with 25% More Spice

Gigli, Back and Giglier

Con Air 2: Nick Cage’s Skullet Rages On

New Year’s Day: Waking Up Next to the Person You Hooked Up With Last Night

Love Actually… Isn’t All That Great (A “Where are they now?” story)

Cast Away 2: I’m Back on This Fucking Island and What are the Odds?

Erin Brockovich Returns (And she’s kind of an ambulance chaser at this point)

Mrs. Doubtfire 2: Because We’re Going to Keep Making Trans Jokes No Matter How Unpopular They Are in 2018

Look Who’s Still Talking: Seriously, STFU Already

Weekend at Bernie’s 3: His Corpse is Pretty Decomposed Now

Total Recall 2: Completely Recalled (Followed by Total Recall 30 Years Later: I Don’t Recall Anything)

Forest Gump 2018: His Bench Mate Called An Uber So She Didn’t Have To Make Small Talk

Spiderman: Who Haven’t We Cast Yet?

Fast & Furious 12: The Fellas are Driving Mobility Scooters Now

Space Jam 2: This is Bound to be a Disappointment

Rocky VII: The Battle Against Alzheimer’s

Titanic 2: The Alternate Ending when Rose Made a Little Fucking Room on Her Door Instead of Being a Selfish Bitch

Sleeping Beauty 2: This Time It’s Mostly Consensual

What Women (Really) Want: Probably Not Mel Gibson

Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure Through the Medicare System

Mean Girls 2: The PTA Board Years

Another League of Their Own: This Time It’s Bowling

Tyler Perry Presents: Media’s iPhone Clips (a found footage film)

Rush Hour 4: Chris Tucker Just Yells the Entire Time and Jackie Chan Doesn’t Get A Word In Edgewise

Sharknado 6: Seriously, Someone is Still Funding this Franchise

Booty Call 3: U Up?

Problem Child 4: Junior Finally Gets a Behavioral Diagnosis

A franchise of sequels to Stomp the Yard: Stomp the Floor. Stomp the Sidewalk. Stomp a Bug. Stomp Your Feelings.

The Outsiders 2: Pony Boy No Longer Gold

How to Lose That Same Guy in 10 Days: Kate Hudson’s Guide to a Quickie Divorce (A documentary)

Slumdog Billionaire: Inflation Forced Him Back on the Show

Finding Marlin: Why Won’t These Fish Just Stay Together Already?

Eat, Pray, Love, Bask in Your White Privilege

Hopefully none of these films will ever happen. But if need be, I will bargain with the gods and make one myself if it means we can have a Trump-free Oval Office come 2020. If I do, it’s probably going to be ‘Another League of Their Own’, FYI.


Special thanks to Sarah Cottrell, Anna Gracia, Crystal Lowery, and Joanna McClanahan for contributing to this post.