By Jill Ceder of AboutChildcare
Guilt is not a novel concept. It’s been around at least as long as Jewish mothers (ask any kid who took too long to return their mom’s phone call). The WASPs have their guilt too; quieter and with a cashmere sweater tied around the shoulder, but it’s still there. But the moms of Generation Z are the new reigning queens of guilt. A dose of guilt is now being delivered with the placenta.
So, what exactly are we feeling guilty about?
Everything and anything we can possibly think of, especially the things we cannot control. If someone on a mommy blog isn’t going to have the guts to judge us, then we will go right ahead and judge ourselves. We feel the pressure to never mess up and to follow through with everything we claimed we were going to do and be as moms.
“Guilt” in Webster’s Dictionary
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the fact of having committed a breach of conduct especially violating law and involving a penalty; broadly : guilty conduct.
-
the state of one who has committed an offense especially consciously.
Not living up to the impossibly high standards we set for ourselves is not a breach of conduct; it’s actually a survival skill. How would we live up to that? We can’t even figure out 4th grade Common Core math.
Things Not to Feel Guilty About (Because we either cannot control them or we chose them for reason. Let’s stick by our decisions; our children will thank us for it later.)
1 Your milk supply
2 That you gave formula
3 The amount of tummy time you did
4 That you didn’t use cloth diapers
5 What sleep training method you chose, or lack thereof
6 That you went back to work
7 That you chose not to go back to work
8 That you let your kid watch TV sometimes
9 That you aren’t focused on your kid 24/7
10 That you didn’t sign him up for a music class
11 That you leave your kid with a babysitter
12 That you don’t love being a parent all the time
13 That your kid walked late
14 That your kid talks less than some other kid down the street
15 That you can’t attend every sporting event, recital and concert
16 That your kid ended up on a waiting list for some class, school, life event
17 That your kid is an only child
18 That you are raising many children and can’t spread the attention
19 That your kid only eats cheese and flour products
20 That you yell or lose patience from time to time
21 That your kid still uses a pacifier
22 That you haven’t attempted potty training
23 That you have a favorite child
24 That you can’t get your children everything they want
25 That you don’t feel guilty enough
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About Jill Ceder
Jill Ceder is a psychotherapist and writer. She is the About.com ChildCare expert. Her work has appeared in various publications including Scary Mommy, The Good Men Project, The Huffington Post, Sammiches & Psych Meds as well as other parenting publications. She can also be found at AboutChildcare, Twitter and Facebook.