Humor Parenting

To the Parent Ninjas, We Salute You

By Tessa A. Adams of familyfootnote.com

I see you, parent ninjas, and I applaud you. You are not ninjas because of what you wear. You are not ninjas because of extensive physical training. You are ninjas because of your stealth, and you take back what good parenting has stolen from you. You do this during a half an hour of swimming lessons for your little one. Your bravery is unparalleled by any other, and I see you. There are different ways in which you bathe in multi-tasking greatness, and your efforts do not go ignored.

Here’s to you, ninja book reader.  Be it paperback or Kindle, your timing is flawless, allowing yourself enjoyment in an uninterrupted paragraph while looking up just in time to wave to your little one. You never once let on that you may be delightfully entertained by a fictional character rather than your little one’s butterfly stroke. Bravo. Your reading skills and your peripheral vision are both unmatched.

I’m raising a sippy cup to you, phone call ninja. You have 30 minutes to call anyone you want, anywhere. Most would be paralyzed by all of the choices, but you already decided while driving to lessons who would be the recipient of your half an hour of focus. There are no children screaming in your ear. No one is requesting a snack. Make a phone call and laugh to your heart’s content (or at least until the other parent whose kid is not being entertained in a swimming pool for a half an hour has to go), all the while looking up at your swimmer and flashing that proud smile. Multi-tasking has been redefined by the likes of you. Raise ‘em up.

Hey, ninja texter, we celebrate you. Good hand-eye coordination is only the beginning of what you bring to this pool. A few LOLs here, a couple of emojis there, and you’re a teen again. You are ageless. You are fearless. You are carefree. Thank goodness for opposable thumbs and abbreviated words. You message in a fever of awesomeness. Text away, young warrior. We salute you.

Finally, as mythical and rare as a chupacabra, the most intrepid parent ninja of all of us: the sunglasses nap taker. You don’t care that you’re indoors. You don’t care that others wonder why you’ve chosen today of all days. You turn outcast into outlaw as soon as you lay your back on those hard bleachers and take a half an hour siesta that you so rightfully deserve, finding dream-filled comfort in the fact that you are not in charge. At least not for thirty minutes. You are the bravest among us.

Parent ninjas, we salute you. Stealthy parents like you are taking back tiny nuggets of freedom, trailblazing a path of hope for the rest of us. For every dad at a park responding to the “Watch this!” call of his daughter; for every mom at a four-year-old’s violin rehearsal, dreaming of the symphony; and for every parent anywhere who feels like “me time” is too euphoric to consider possible, you have done it. Enjoy yourselves and the thirty minutes of entertainment you so rightfully deserve.

Today is your day.

*****

About the Author

Tessa A. Adams is a graduate from the University of Nebraska-Lincoln and Omaha with a Masters in reading. She is a language arts teacher and is the co-author of the blog www.familyfootnote.com. She has three children and when she is not mothering or teaching, she is writing. Her work can be found in Fine Lines Literary Journal, Empty Sink Publishing, Route 7 Review, and xoJane Magazine.