Christians in South Korea are displaying a statue of Jesus that is making the world giggle.
As you can see, Korean Jesus is juiced.
Now, if you are the type of holier-than-thou who likes to get your pantaloons in a wad, maybe you should get off the internet and get back to your sad, somber life because this sweary, sometimes irreverant seminary grad is about to bestow upon you the holy gift of laughter. And since the Jesus I know is the same one who created irony, juxtaposition, and the duckbilled platypus, I’m pretty sure he’s looking down at that jacked, artist-rendition of himself and totes lol-ing with the rest of the Trinity.
Let’s begin with his pectorals, because I know you are all looking at those nipples. What the actual Hell is going on there? Those suckers could cut glass. Do you know how the Messiah healed the blind in his day? By implementing a first-century version of Lasik surgery using his precision nipples to cut myopic patients’ prescriptions into their corneas.
Our Lord and Savior knows his fitness classes–biceps like those only come from years of practicing P90Exorcisms (thanks, The Glad Stork, for that one).
P90xorcism pic.twitter.com/IgGaRIhvMX
— The Glad Stork (@TheGladStork) December 7, 2016
Yoga? More like Yo-God.
He put the cross in CrossFit.
He put the Jew in Jujitsu.
He put the Pilate in Pilates.
(Ok, so he never actually practiced that last one. He just named it after a guy who will kill you because planking for an hour is like murder.)
Before the Son of God raised Lazarus from the dead, he bench pressed his ol’ buddy. How else do you think they came up with the term “dead lift”?
And when he turned over tables in the Temple? Sure, he was angry that the religious folks were using God for financial gain, but it was also a fantastic way to bulk up for whatever body-building contest he attended before the Koreans had him sit as a live model for their sculpture.
Korean Christ can heal your leprosy as well as your poor weightlifting form. Because do you know what Jesus did when he saw your weak-sauce squat-thrust? Jesus wept.
The Bread of Life can make the lame strut, turn water into protein shakes, and feed 5,000–but don’t worry, his Eucharist is gluten-free.
Folks, I could do this all day. You see, I love to crack jokes, and I love
Jesus, and those two things are not mutually exclusive. God wants us to laugh, for he understands that life is hard.
Just probably not as hard as Korean Christ’s nipples.