By Celeste of And What A Mom!
Facebook has evolved. Gone are the days where you looked forward to poking your friends and inviting others to join you at Farmville. The site’s grown up, and so have the users. So, too, have the moms of Facebook changed.
Endless displays of “look at my baby!” and play by plays of peoples’ days have given way to far more tactical and measured strategies. Which is great in some ways, because who wants to look at another damn baby picture? But gone are the days when people posted things just for fun (“Hey, check out what I’m eating for lunch!” or folks who would ‘check in’ at the gas station, because… why the hell do we care you’re at the gas station?). It’s 2016. People know how to play the Facebook game. And everybody, moms especially, play to win.
So here are the six kinds of moms you find on Facebook today.
1. The Humble Bragger.
Oh, we love our humble braggers. They try so hard to sound innocent. But they have ulterior motives. They want to self-promote without being too blatant, so they submerge it with humility. Look, we all do this to an extent, but some moms are better at it than others. Example: “My five-year-old just spilled hot cocoa all over his first place ski race trophy! The trophy’s ruined!” Or even better are the moms who want some kudos for being … well, moms. “Today I had to wrangle three kids all day, make a dinner from scratch, clean the house, and get in a few hours of work. #needananny #worklifebalanceishard.” Most of the time, these moms get exactly what they were looking for: compliments, sympathy, cheers of “you go, girl!” Personally, I prefer to just brag. It keeps the deceptiveness out of the mix and makes my intentions clear: I want some praise, love, and admiration!
2. The Crowdsourcer.
I can make fun of this mom because I’m one of them. These moms use their hundreds of Facebook friends to test the waters for pretty much everything: parenting advice, swim school recommendations, family friendly restaurants. These moms treat Facebook like it’s their personalized Yelp. And why the hell not? I’d rather ask my friends how they weaned their kids off nursing than Google. And if that makes me an annoying Facebook mom, so be it.
3. The Selfie Snob.
Maybe selfies are a generational thing. But I really struggle with them. They feel so narcissistic. But it seems they’re here to stay, so we’ll roll with it. My favorite selfies are the ones that include the mom with her kid, but it’s mostly just of mom. Yet she uses the guise of “look at my cute kid” to look a tad less conceited. Sneaky! Taking a selfie would be too blatantly self-promotional, but using the kid as a prop? Now that’s just brilliant. And while we’re on the topic of selfies, what’s with the selfies in the driver’s seat? Are people seriously sitting at a stop light thinking, “Damn, I look good. I better document this moment.” What about the people behind you? What if the light changes? C’mon, people, be smart for Pete’s sake.
4. The Mom Who’s Too busy to Call or Text you Back, but Not to Provide Regular Status Updates.
This is pretty self-explanatory, but you can understand the frustration when you’ve been trying to reach someone for days about whether or not they can make it to your kid’s birthday party or if they can bring an appetizer for wine night. And you keep seeing posts like, “Time for my pedicure” and “I love it when my favorite seat at Starbucks is free for me to just chill.” Can’t you chill and answer a few texts while you’re at it?
5. The Network Marketing Maven.
Look, we’ve all been there or know someone who has. I’ve even dabbled in it myself. Who doesn’t love the idea of residual income, right? But you’ve got to raise an eyebrow when your 7th grade friend who hasn’t spoken to you in 20 years suddenly befriends you and wants you to know that 3D lashes have changed her life. I’m pretty sure she’s more interested in your wallet than in catching up and reconnecting.
6. Angry Mom.
First, let me say I love Angry Mom. She has no problem telling it like she sees it, and oftentimes she’s freaking out over something that is legitimately enraging. So kudos to her, and keep it up. But I have to worry about her blood pressure sometimes. And other times, it does seem like she gets a little worked up over something that doesn’t seem like such a big deal. But I will never unfollow Angry Mom. She’s too entertaining, too self-preserving, and too awesome. And she would kill me if she found out.
So these are the six moms you find on Facebook, though I’m sure there are more I have yet to meet, and a lot of moms overlap in several categories. In many ways, we all complete each other to make Facebook a hot mess of self-love, networking, and camaraderie. And it’s fun, entertaining, and pretentious, just like most moms. So to all the Facebook moms out there, don’t ever change. Although we are doomed to evolve eventually, 2016 is shaping up to be a pretty stellar year on social media, and I haven’t seen a new selfie on my feed in the past 90 minutes, so it’s go time!
About the Author
Celeste is a mom to a toddler and expecting another boy in 2016, and loves to write about the good, bad, and the “what the heck am I doing??” parts of motherhood. She is also a marketing professional, which has armed her with bountiful experience in cleaning up poop and managing temper tantrums. Follow her blog at And What a Mom!