I don’t often do the Twitter; it’s kind of a scary, weird world of I Have No Idea What’s Going On in Here (definitely not as scary and weird as Tumblr, but still). I have, however, found myself logging in more frequently lately, and OH MY GOD, are there some funny peeps on there. Like, super duper funny. Here are just 10 of the funniest things I found on Twitter this week. Enjoy!
I had to shop for work pants for the first time in about 3 years, if anyone wants to know why I’m crying in the DQ parking lot.
— Lady E (@LadyEdotMe) March 23, 2014
Irony is listening to ‘Damn it feels good to be a gangsta’ while watering my daffodils
— Claudia (@bossy_bootz) March 19, 2014
I hate movies where women glide out of water looking all sexy & graceful. I stumble out looking half drowned & picking my suit out of my ass
— Wai So Dum (@NikatNiteNite) January 2, 2014
I think I overthink how much I am overthinking until I’m overthunk.
— Sly (@slyoung5) March 24, 2014
My 7 year old asked me to listen to his podcast. He calls it “My dad’s a jerk and my mom can’t cook”. it’s doing pretty well.
— Loco Eric (@ericsshadow) March 26, 2014
I’m going to organize my day using 3 categories: 1. Things I’m not going to do today 2. Things I won’t do later 3. Fuck these things
— ☠Êv¡£☠Genius☠ (@That_Damn_Duck) March 28, 2014
I was bored today, so I stole my sisters white lab coat and spent the afternoon giving drug advice in the pharmacy in Walmart. — Joel Jeffrey (@joeljeffrey) March 24, 2014
That’ll do feelings. That. Will. Fucking. Do. — Boobarella (@BakedElle) March 29, 2014
My favorite machine at the gym is the one you put change in and snacks come out — Claudia (@bossy_bootz) March 29, 2014
They say sitting is the new smoking. In either case, butts become a problem.
— Hey_Tess (@Hey_Tess) March 29, 2014