Hold your clam flaps, folks, because you’re about to lose all control once you see the comments on this swimsuit ad making the social media rounds.
The ad, posted by Beginning Boutique on Facebook, features a young gal in a cropped t-shirt-style swim top (I’m sure there’s an official word for it, but my pancake boobs and I have no idea), some running shoes and ankle socks (because recreating my 1980s elementary school pictures is always how I roll to the beach, especially in case I have a sudden urge to run a marathon or play some tennis), and — wait for it — some kind of triangular torture device resembling a thong but in reverse for the bottoms.
The caption reads, “LONG WEEKEND VIBIN’ 🔥,” but it’s neither the weekend nor the featured vagina noose that is blazing. It’s the long list of comments addressing WTF is happening with that model’s meat curtains that are smokin’.
Some of our favorites:
If she fanny-farts it’s going to sound like an old fashioned tea-kettle
that looks like a rolls royce vagina, got anything to suit a suzuki swift?
Do you sell vagina tape to keep your flaps in?
No wonder she looks cranky. Her spam purse is being gaffer taped.
Its Beginning to look alot like Clitmas…..
Its like bird box for your vagina
Like where is her fanny tho? 🤔🤔
Seriously my fanny would bulge outta this like an over flowing cupcake.. gummon gotta be realistic 95% of us have fat gucci purses 😁😁
Good God, this would make my vagina look like a porcupine stuck under a floorboard
Dead set, her vagina is as flat as toast. They should call it vaginamite.
Ya vaginamite fit in these bikinis.
Hollywood tape for your punani???
Start running down the beach in these bad boys and your flaps start clapping for you
Look at her belly she is breathing in that hard she has sucked her beef curtains right up to her tonsils
Ladies, as we start our final descent, please make sure all inner labia are secure in their full upright and locked position, make sure your bikini is securely fastened, and all outer labia should be safely stowed underneath the bikini in front of you……….
U couldn’t go in the sea in this!! You’d get back to your room and 2 deep sea divers.. 3 starfish ..4 octopus .. a blue whale and a ship wreck would have got sucked up your gash! Fucks sake I need bottoms with parka pockets just to keep my flaps from giving me a black eye!!!
“Do your flaps hang low?”
“Do they wobble to and fro?”
” Can you tie them in a knot?”
“Can you tie them in a bow?”
“Can you throw them over your shoulder like a continental soldier?”
“Do your flaps hang low?”
I can’t even sit like this in a normal bathing suit without my camel trying to stick it’s toe out and test the water.
I wouldn’t be picking anything up from the floor wearing those. That bikini is gonna end up taking someone’s virginity tbh.
How the hell will this cover my Volkswagen bonnet??
My vagina is hungry just looking at this picture
It’s like floss for your hairy handbag 👜
I like how the breasts are all about sun safety and covering up the décolletage but the vulva is all like “fuck you melanoma, come at me bro!”
If this woman has a small cameltoe wearing this I’d look like a panda sat on a tightrope.
All the families and real people leaving the beach when Stacey ClamTrap slides out the side
And the list goes on.
Lord, strike me down if I’m lying, but much like this model’s beef brisket, I can’t breathe right now.
Hurry up and place your orders, ladies, because these Chinese flap traps are only $39.95. I’d say for a limited time only, but unless a bunch of hamless Barbie dolls are rushing to snaggle their snails, these will probably be on the shelves for a while.