By Joanna McClanahan of Ramblin’ Mama
I think we can all agree that making mom friends is tough. There’s the awkwardness of exchanging information, making sure your kids actually tolerate one another, and of course, making sure the other mom agrees that talking on the phone is the absolute worst.
Even if you’re able to move past the initial stages of mom courting, I’ve noticed there’s a whole lot of crazy out there. Here are nine of the craziest mom friends you’ll make:
1. Phone addicts. These moms are so burnt out that they never look up from their screens. They couldn’t care less that their children are wreaking havoc on the playground or beating one another with sticks. These moms are not looking up from their phones until they hear actual sirens. Let’s just say they’re not great conversationalists.
2. Codependent moms. These ladies take attachment parenting to another level. They’ll give you the low-down on babywearing, co-sleeping, and breastfeeding your child through middle school. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I just don’t know how much I have in common with someone who actually wants to be around their children 24 hours a day.
3. The plastics. The PTA equivalent of mean girls, you can sometimes spot these moms by their flawless hair and perfectly coordinated outfits. These moms have an opinion about every other mom, as well as some personal concerns about getting older. At least I think it’s concern. It’s hard to say for sure, because Botox.
4. Debbie Downer moms. These moms will be the first to tell you about how their life is essentially a Greek tragedy. And you’ll never get a word in edgewise, let alone the chance to escape. Get out before you get sucked into their pit of guilt, shame, and despair. Run if you have to.
5. The know-it-alls. These moms have advice for every situation, whether you ask for it or not. They somehow manage to be braggy and condescending simultaneously. You’ll know them right away because they say things like, “Oh, your 4-year-old’s not reading yet? That’s okay, you’ll get there.”
6. Hot mess moms. (Spoiler alert, this is me.) Moms who are running on next-to-no sleep and can’t remember anything, let alone talk in complete sentences. You’ll recognize us by our stained yoga pants that we wear everywhere, without shame.
7. Momtrepreneneurs. These moms don’t want friends, they want customers. From lifestyle coaching to shakes that taste like disappointment, these moms are there to support you…for a nominal fee. (See also essential oils moms, who swear you can cure anything with the right combination of terrible smells.)
8. “Extra crunchy” moms. They only let their kids eat gluten-free, organic food. Even their toys are made with fair-trade, locally-sourced wood. No chemicals are allowed within a two-yard radius of their offspring, who are typically named after some kind of bird or tree.
9. The closet crazies. These moms seem super cool until you see their racist rants on Facebook…or find out they’re Trump supporters.
Seriously though, I’m not judging anyone; most of us are just trying to survive this parenting gig the best way we know how. But Gandhi once said, “Be the change you want to see in the world.” Well, I think you should be the mom you’d want to get margaritas with.
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