By MockMom Contributors

Drawing inspiration from the bestselling children’s book, That’s Not My Puppy, publishers have announced an exciting new children’s tale slated to hit store shelves this fall.

The new book, titled That’s Not My President, is highly acclaimed and is sure to turn waning existentialism and decreasing will to live into a fun-filled family affair. After all, the family that slips into irrevocable disillusionment together dies in soul-crushing misery together. What’s not to love?!

Enjoy this excerpt from what is sure to become the hottest children’s book on the market:

That’s not my President. His face is too orangey.

That’s not my President. His hands are too grabby.

That’s not my President. His vocabulary is too first-gradey.

That’s not my President. His hair is too comb-overy.

That’s not my President. His cabinet is too racisty.

That’s not my President. He tweets too frequently.

That’s not my President. His speeches are too alternative-facty.

That’s not my President. His election was too Putin-y.

That’s not my President. His TV channel is too Fox and Friendsy.

That’s not my President. His ego is too fra-gee-lay.

That’s not my President. His lies are too bigly.

That’s not my President. His healthcare plan will leave us not alivey.

That’s not my President. He and Ivanka are too incesty.

That’s not my President. His family is too criminal-y.

That’s not my President. His rallies are too after-the-facty.

That’s not my President. His inauguration was too empty.

That’s not my President. His universities are too diploma-milly.

That’s not my President. His views are too white-supremacisty.

That’s not my President. His suits are too wrinkly.

That’s not my President. His ties are too scotch-tapey.

That’s not my President. His condos are too fall-aparty.

That’s not my President. He drives everything into bankruptcy.

That’s not my President. His veep is too homophobey.

That’s not my President. His Secretary of Education is too Dolores Umbridgey.

That’s not my President. The First Lady’s speeches are too plagiaristy.

That’s not my President. His business is too conflict-of-interesty.

That’s not my President. His heart is too coldy.

That’s not my President. His existence is too covfefe.

That’s not my President. His brain is too senile-y

That’s not my President. Nothing about him is Presidential-y.

*****

Special thanks to the following MockMom authors for their contributions: The 21st Century SAHM, Crystal Lowery – Comedian, Becky Rebecca, The Home Tome, Explorations of Ambiguity, Why Did We Have to Have All These Kids Anyway?, Mommy Owl, Bluebonnet Babies, and The Snarky Reviewer.