By Abby Byrd of Little Miss Perfect
We here at MockMom care about your teen’s safety, which is why we’ve begun a new series known as “Teen Trends,” in which we profile another stupid goddamn thing teens do that you have to worry about. First up, the minstrel orgy.
Major news outlets reported this week that the resurgence of interest in minstrelsy among youth may be due to a connection between minstrels and orgies.
A Historical Perspective
Scholars have recently discovered that depraved sexual activity was common among groups of minstrels, particularly in Renaissance England.
“We know for certain that the famous composer and lutenist John Dowland regularly participated in orgies,” says a musical history scholar who wished to remain anonymous. “He even turned some of his sexual experiences into song. Perhaps you know the tune ‘Come Again,’ made famous by the singer and tantric sex expert Sting. Famous minstrel Robert Johnson also celebrated sex in his ‘O Let Us Howl’ and ‘Where The Bee Sucks, There Suck I.’”
“The poet Richard Barnfield wrote that Dowland’s ‘heavenly touch upon the lute doth ravish human sense,’” says our anonymous scholar. “I’m here to tell you that human sense wasn’t the only thing ravished by Dowland’s ‘heavenly touch.’ That’s all I’m saying.”
The details remain unclear, although scholars believe the orgies involved a confused but exhilarating tangle of lutes, flutes, fingers, and tongues, with some of the less accomplished minstrels incorporating juggling and acrobatics.
The Dangers
An interest in minstrelsy may lead to a decline in academic performance, social difficulties, unplanned pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, and use of medieval or Renaissance-era drugs.
Who is at Risk
Teens at greatest risk of minstrel activity include musicians of all kinds, drama nerds, live-action role-play nerds, history enthusiasts, and repressed teens with no sexual outlet.
Warning Signs
Take immediate action if your child:
- Shows a sudden interest in Medieval or Renaissance-era music
- Requests that you buy him or her a lute, harp, fiddle, or small drum
- Wears bright, multi-colored clothing
- Wanders around the house or neighborhood, perhaps with instrument in hand
- Memorizes and recites long poems not required by an English teacher
- Presents songs at inappropriate times (e.g., “Yes mother, I shall come to sup/As soon as I refill my cup/Lalalalalalala”)
*****
About the Author
Abby Byrd is a teacher, a grammarian, and the poster mom for existential angst. Her work has appeared on Scary Mommy/Club Mid, In The Powder Room, BLUNTMoms, Mamalode, The Good Men Project, The Reject Pile, and The Big Jewel, as well as in two anthologies. She is a frequent contributor to MockMom. Follow her on Twitter, on Facebook, and at her blog, Little Miss Perfect.