Timely: Organize books by estimated time-to-read to keep bedtimes consistent and avoid fights about whether or not he just did ten minutes of reading.
I’m saving up all my fucks to give about fashion until I’m in that “Grandma” phase of life, at which point – lock up your men, boo.
Everyone could use a laugh after Halloween while they’re wrangling their kids off the ceiling all hopped up on Jolly Ranchers and mini Twix bars.
A baby may be hungry or need soothing, but someone’s husband (probably Karen’s) may see a nip for a split second. Don’t be a homewrecker.
People don’t understand that you can train your kid to properly react to being propelled in an accident so that the car seat actually becomes unnecessary.
Momming and adulting is hard AF; you deserve to tuck in early.
You DESERVE that candy you’re totally going to steal from your kids. Y’all deserve nice things too.
Although we love our children dearly, that love comes with a steep price. It’s too bad it doesn’t also come with an industrial vat of lemon ginger water.