Who else can you fake call all through November and December to get your kids to brush their damn teeth?
This is not Endgame. You cannot claim, “I put it right here!” and expect to be able to go back in time to reclaim it.
At least we have the nightly ritual of telling ourselves it will be better tomorrow.
Who knew Brad Pitt’s body of work so aligned with my life? Now if only he could make movies called “Why Is This Wet?” and “My Best Friend, Chocolate.”
Never doubt the strength and physical superpowers of women. We’ve been through some shit, and still manage to look good and stay cool.
A little laugh is just what the doctor ordered while picking fish crackers out of the couch and scrubbing crayon off the walls.
“We can’t just go on allowing people to put artificial creamers in their coffee,” she said. “That shit is poison.”
I’m saving up all my fucks to give about fashion until I’m in that “Grandma” phase of life, at which point – lock up your men, boo.